Misses Lonely

Here I am at work again. I feeling kinda down, kinda lonely. Frank is no where to be seen, he said brb hours ago and never returns. We haven’t talked much at all since him returning to college. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had some one else to talk to but I don’t. Its actually rather depressing. Today my boss asked me if I had any friends who needed a job. So I did a quick scan through my brain, (lasted all of .5 seconds) and said no. Because really, I don’t have any friends. I have Sam here at work, and occasionaly we have lunch together but I don’t see anyone outside of work. Kinda sad when you realize you have NO friends, lol. My cell phone hasn’t rang in weeks, my email box has been empty for months. Its really kind of pathetic. I keep trying to tell Frank I need a little extra attention right now but he isn’t getting the picture. He’s a guy so I don’t guess he will, lol. Even if I hit him over the head with the damn picture!

I try and make the feeling go away you know. By being positive and trying to act like I don’t care but thats not the case.  Even the shift at work that I am on I work alone. I see people when I check them in and when they need something.  At school I don’t have lunch with anyone, no one talks to me, and I feel like …..well I feel invisible.  Its pretty sad and pathetic. I know I sound pathetic. And anyone who reads this will be like, "why not just stop being a cry baby and grow up. get some friends"…I’d probably say that about some one if I was reading their journal..heh…I try and tell Frank how I feel but he think I am just being silly and that I am just sulking over nothing. But he can say that. He has a shit load of friends that he hangs out with. So now I’ve just stopped telling him how I feel about this all together. I can’t expect him to understand.

Its just so weird when the lonliness hits me. Its like today was beautiful, I woke up in a good mood, and I had no one to share the day with. No one I could call and be happy with. Gets a girl down ya know? I am in the prime of my youth, 20 yrs old, I should be living my happiest years.  I don’t want Frank to be my only source of communication either. I don’t want to be one of those girls who is cut off from the world because she’s too focused on paying attention to her boyfriend and not everyone around her. I don’t want to be dependant on him for my happiness.  When my boss asked me why I didn’t have any friends, I could only reply, "when do I have time?"

I think I am just ready to go home and go to bed. Thats what I have to look forward to anyway. Sleep. At least there my life is interesting, lol. Just too bad I don’t remember the dreams if I have them.  Only 30 minutes to go…I guess I am gunna go watch some court tv and wait for the time to pass….