Restless Pitty Party For One Please

Well I talked to Frank…finally he picked up on my comments and has assured me everything’s okay. Thats all I ever wanted in the first place. I just felt needy and he wasn’t getting it. But we’ve talked a lot the past few days and I feel better about that. We’re planning to see eachother again at the end of March, begining of April during his spring break. He wants us to spend a few days in New Orleans because thats his favorit place and he so badly wants to show/share it with me. Besides going some where I’ve never been I really need the vacation. My job is getting hectic again, they’re about to fire another girl before they have some one else rehired, which means I end up pulling extra shifts, I haven’t had a break to just breath. Any days off are spent cleaning this damn house because my mom is too lazy to do anything. I should post pictures of her bedroom…its a nightmare. I just don’t feel happy really.

My friends are all so busy with their own lives. They never call, I’ve stopped calling them because I am tired of having to be the one to make things happen all the time. Besides my short week with Frank…I haven’t had a night out ‘with the girls’ in such a long time. Thats kind of depressing too. Anytime I do go out with the girl-friend they usually end up talking to their bf on the phone or texting them the whole time. SO ANNOYING. I just want a friend here..who calls me just to talk, or to go out walking around some shops…or some one who just wants to be silly sometimes.

I want out of Missouri something bad. Its all I think about. How can some one hate a place so much? I wish Osama had bombed it instead of NY. Who would miss Misery? I wish I didn’t have so many things tying me to this place. I can’t wait to finish college here so I can move away and be on my own, in a place I want to be. I know it sounds like such little problems compared to what others have to face, but I can’t seem to pull myself out of this restless stoop. It sucks. I just want to drop everything and dissapear. It seems worse since what happened to my dad. I dont understand that. But I have been thinking about it a lot and I cant seem to escape that pain. I don’t even know how to begin moving on from it because I dont know where to start dealing with the pain. Its all so very confusing. But damn if this doesnt sound like a pitty party. Guess I am just waiting for some one to call my name for a table for one. How pathetic.

I just want to breath….just for five minutes…I want to breath fresh air and know what it tastes like.