Why Can’t The Moon Always Be Blue?

You know.. I read other people’s diaries and some..most..are just silly ramblings about absolutely nothing…but then I’ll come accross some one’s diary…and they have these profound thoughts…or interesting lives..or interesting stories..they are intriguing…and its not just ONE of their entries..its ALL of them..I wanna be interesting too! I hate being average. I hate that I am inspired to write soulfully when I am depressed. BAH. I don’t think I really have a story to tell. Every now and then when the moon is blue and hell has a light frost, something happens to me. I have a story to tell then. But thats about it. Why can’t the moon always be blue?

Anyway..I’m really obsessing about Frank coming here to visit. It occupies all my thoughts. I get mad at myself for it too. I mean I know he really wants to see me but I can bet he doesn’t sit there counting the days…the hours..the minutes. Maybe its a girl thing, hell I don’t know. I am even more excited about it than Christmas. But its not like I get to see him a lot, so those times we do have are truely special to me. Sometimes I wonder how well we’d get along if we saw each other regularly. Would we even still be together?  There’s not a lot about us thats the same. In fact liking eachother is all we have in common, lol. Well liking is a …baby word…we love eachother. Though we don’t really say it often. That used to really bother me. I’d hear my friend and her boyfriend say it like,…all through out their phone calls or something,..and I’d get jealous. Insanely jealous. But then out of no where..he’ll say it…My favorit time was when we were just laying there watching TV…I forget what show it was..but he hugs me close and says, “I love you”..and that was a million times better than to hear him say it routinely at the end of every phone call or something. Then I feel like I am one of those girls whose lives revolve totally around their boyfriend or husbands. Its not like that at all..but the distance is so hard sometimes..Its like each week the passes I miss him more and more..

So I wen’t Christmas shopping today after I had one of my finals. Its kind of depressing, I don’t have a lot of money…In fact, I had to dip into my savings a bit just to be able to afford something that was only like 10 dollars. Then what really made me mad was I found this cool CSI game that my mom would love..and it was like 32 bucks..(she wanted clue, but we both love CSI so I thought this would be hella better than little ol’ clue!) So I buy it..thinking..it could be one of her santa presents (when I stopped believing in Santa..she always made my most expensive or meaningful gifts the presents i opened first..a long with my stocking..then we’d open the rest of em..but now I am old enough to buy her santa presents too…last year I had more help..but this year its all on me!)..Well I go to walmart to look around and behold…CSI…18.99!!!  I was like no way! So I am takin the other game back to the mall..getting my money back and going to Walmart to get the other one. I could use the other 20 bucks on another present for her..or gas money to get to and from work. I know that makes me sound cheap, but I really am, lol. I think my boss said something about us getting a bonus at the christmas dinner next week..so at least I can put that back into my savings to help make up the money that I had to spend. Times are tough..I can’t complain too much though…people have it worse you know?  I got Frank this silver pocket watch,..there was a time when he was looking at them and couldn’t find them..like when we went to china town… none of the little vendors had them. I am going to put his initials on the front and put like always, HP and the year or something…Its probably corny..and he probably wont use it..but I want him to have it anyway…at least until he finds one he really likes…He better REALLY like mine..lol…I’m a sentimental girl I guess..