Needing A Miracle

Ahhhhhhhhhhh why is Christmas soooooo expensive? Its just my mom that I really have to buy for but, I don’t have any money. By the time I pay my bills and pay for gas to get to and from home, school, work and back home I have no $$$$. So yesterday I tried to put some stuff on lay-away but they’re like, it has to be picked up by the 15th. Well I don’t get paid till the 17th! So I spent the very last of my money on like a few Christmas presents for my mom.  Before it was easier because her fiancee was still in the picture and he helped buy gifts too, so it wasn’t all me. I don’t mind it being all me, I love buying gifts for her, but its just so damn hard without the money. Its our first Christmas alone in quite awhile and I want it to be really, really nice. I want to be able to get her nice things you know? She has always spoiled me. I have gotten her a couple nice presents, but now I can’t even afford to get anything small and cheap just so she has something to open. Not sure what I am gunna do. I’m hoping to get maybe another bonus from work so I can pick up some more little trinkets or something totally her. This girl I work with wants me to make her a couple CD’s and she has offered to pay me 5$ for each CD…so if that falls through there’s a little extra money. I hope..I hope…all I want for Christmas is to be able to give my mom a nice one. I want presents under our pretty little tree.

I got Frank a Christmas present yesterday too. He really wants the Battlefield 1942 II edition so I’m gunna get that for him too. He loves his computer games…sometimes I think more than he loves me, lol. But this other gift, I hope he likes it. I don’t know if I want to watch him open it, or stick it in his bag before he leaves to go back to New York. I just don’t wanna be there if he doesn’t like it, lol. This is probably the first year we have really exchanged Christmas presents, and he’s kinda picky so I really want it to be good. I have to decide between a pretty fly  computer case or a tattoo for Christmas from him. He wont surprise me. He says he wants to get me something I want…I obviously want both..but He is making me pick anyway..lol..I’m a girl, I like surprises! Actually…I’d prefer if he didn’t do either presents and instead found something all on his own you know? Instead of being so practical. But its still cute how he wants to please me by getting me what I want. I thought about making him a really nice dinner, and having our own little Christmas even though the real one is over. Its so hard living so far apart, 🙁    But anyway…hopefully Santa will come before Christmas and drop a little stipend off for me.