Back in the past

Dear someone,

This week was a long week, a lot has happened in it good and bad things but the thing that left me on edge and scared for sunday to come is my school. This wednesday Ministry of Health came to get us physically tested… there were different types of tests.. Breathing test, eye test, then there is your weight and height your BMI to… even a nicotine test we got…After we finished… They took us to a different room which had a doctor in it and you go inside individually… They ask you different types of health questions like: Do you have any surgery or major injury before? etc… Then they got to deep questions do you have depression… do you have social anxiety?

So my turn came in and i went through she asked me all questions and then she asked me do you have depression … I technically lied and said No… she looked at me suspiciously and she re asked it like 4 more time and my answer was still No… she was like okay fine.. she let me go…. I think after like everyone else finished … They called my name and asked me to go to the office… I thought it was something else but when i went there i found the same doctor sitting in the student council office alone…. she called me in and she re asked again i told her No…. then she was like fine she gave me a form to fill in.. Honestly to me it was just general questions… Like did you loose for then 5 kg in the past month… Do you often find problems sleeping or you oversleep… I answered the form and then i gave it to her.

I asked her What was it for? she was like it was a depression form… I panicked and i was like Why? I told you i didn’t have it.. she was like yeah I know … we just wanted you to fill it up.. I was like Okay.. i went back to class and i asked my friends did they give them a form to fill in they were like no.. i was like oh ok nevermind.

Yesterday, I went to my supervisor and asked her what happens after they analyse your data and stuff.. she was like they send a report to your parents whether your health or not and then if they found out you have a health problem they give it to school to add it to your medical file.I was like ok thanks.. Then i left.. That night when i went home i kinda felt down for some reason.. I dont know but i felt like my past and everything i have ever tried to hide or bottle up came back to the surface… I went back and reread all of my old journals that i used to write in them daily… I found out that 2 years of therapy never really helped me.. I always smile big and tell my parents i was fine and i am doing more then great… But my therapist always says when you remember your past and it puts a toll on your mood or it makes you cry then you really aren’t over it yet.

Hopefully, my report comes back as healthy because i dont have the energy to go through those tough months i have went through when my parents first knew.

Sincerely,

–SB