3 weeks

summer is coming.  time for home.  for friends.  for family.  for sunshine.  working in the mornings.  playing in the evenings.  hugs and kisses.  lying on the grass in the heat.  running through the sprinklers.  swimming at the pool.  going downtown.  swing dancing at crystal ballroom.  seeing local punk bands.  listening to bad music.  hook ups with random indie rockers.  looking for something more.  wanting something more.  remembering what it used to be.  remembering Mexico.  stars at night.  singing on the roof top.  watching the border.  talking with Jason about tree houses and summer.  swimming in the ocean.  jumping waves.  swallowing sea water.  feeling the pinch of sun on my cheeks.  tasting the salt in my hair.  thinking about who i’m missing.  who isn’t here with me.  Bryan in Michigan.  Becky in Jersey.  Chelsea in Philly.  Katie in Midlothian.  everyone spread out across the world.  no one where i can reach them.  do i want jmu or do i want home.  when i’m here i want to be there, when i’m there i want to be here.  remembering midnight walks on the quad.  with a wet face.  searching for Orion.  finding mars, and thinking about him.  remembering adventures.  stealing salad garden signs, finding hidden tunnels, standing on the roofs of buildings.  talking in the hallway until 4am.  crying on the phone until 3.  looking through year books.  reading friends’ diaries.  wishing i had been there on that day.  sleeping in Chelsea’s bed.  watching movies.  struggling in and out of the top bunk.  with a broken arm.  playing free association when we can’t sleep.  blowing bubbles out of car windows.  making people smile.  driving to Elkton.   remembering freezing cold dorm rooms in august.  awkward silences between aquaintences.  the faces of the people i don’t remember.  being forced to have jmu spirit.  wondering what they put in the food.  hating the duke dog.  being terrified of coming to tolerate this place.  of coming to love it.  bare feet on cement.  snow angels on the football field.  the silence and solitude of 7am on a Friday.  the stacks in the library.  secret stairwells.  free movies more than 3 nights a week from carrier.  library fines.  video store fines.  symphonies and $2.50 films.  knit scarves made diligently in dark theaters.  theater II productions of the experimental theater.  walking back from music class.  running away from the art history boy.  theater class with Bryan.  sleeping in past class.  looking for missing notes.  reading plays until 4am on Thursday nights.  Shakespeare.  driving to Staunton.  driving to Midol.  driving to Philly.  driving to D.C.  driving back to jmu.  grey stones, blue sky, green grass.  purple flowers, yellow flowers, pink trees.   sitting in the shade.  coming home and not feeling complete.  time.  wasting time.  wanting more of it.  wanting it to move faster.  wishing it would stop.  being human.  why not enjoy it.  why wish else of it.  it slips away like sand.  like foam.  like water.  why not let it.