ahhhh… mexico

For the past two weeks, I have spent my time doing the most
amazing thing I have ever done in my life– and I am so grateful. I went on the
Mexico mission trip hoping to change the world, and what I really changed was
myself. After spending so much time doing work for the poor, as well as
everything else, with 29 other people, I have reached so many new points of
realization in my life. Realizations about not only my many blessings, but about
who I am. I can honestly say, without restraint, that this is the best
thing I have ever done. Now I see everything is a gift. Now I appreciate
life and love and friendship so much more. The only sad part about all of this
is the lonesomeness. Last night, surrounded by my family for the first time in
weeks, I felt a deep pit of physical loneliness in my stomach. I so missed the
people who I had grown accustomed to spending every waking moment with. I have
never felt so alone and just… sad in my life. I could only think of my new
friends who I had worked with, played with, and prayed with so closely for what
seemed like ages. It had only been a few days since we had parted! Mostly I was
thinking of Meredith and Chris. I can’t stop thinking about the moments we
shared, and wishing we were together again in Mexico. I think about the quiet
talks late at night, as I silently wept from the thought of moving on. I think
about the long goodnight hugs that Chris and I would share, where neither of us
wanted to let go. I recall how in the midst of one of these hugs, Chris could
not be distracted, even told Andrew he was “busy.” That made me smile. I
remember the night of Stephanie’s birthday party, walking back to the room with
“Ch-poodle,” laughing uncontrollably due to a Fanta high. I grew so accustomed
to his arm around my shoulder, and mine around his. I remember that last night,
under the start as we walked around the swimming pool, his arm around me. I
didn’t want it to end. I remember how all I could think about was him, and I
thanked God. On senior night, I cried so much because I knew I would soon be
leaving these good friends for college, and the thought was devastating. He came
and sat beside me, comforting me with his own experiences of watching his
siblings leave, just as I had done in the past few years. He told me this in
confidence, and the common ground we shared made me feel better, even if only
for a moment. To me, he embodied the spirit of the trip– the absolute
compassion and care for the fellow humans, the comfort of touch which can be so
important. He always has time to listen to me, and he always makes me smile. I’m
so thankful for him, and for the trip which made me appreciate these people and
form strong new bonds with some of them. I am so conflicted because I know how
soon I must go. I thank God for placing this confidence in me. I am thankful for
the new perspective I have gained, for the Mexican people, but most of all for
the love and friendship. I am thankful for Yvonne, John, Dom Kailegh, Andrew,
Mary, Carolyn, Saryn, Cailey, Stephanie Kristy, Ben, Jim, Stephanie, Kathleen,
Cara, Eric, Matt O., Matt L., Zac, Damian, Pat, Eloisa, Kristin, Diana, Dennis,
Allison, Rachel, and most of all Meredith, and Chris. I will never forget them.