At a Loss.

Hey..
I know it’s been a while since I last wrote, but i need to vent. I have had things going to swell for me lately. That’s why i haven’t had the reason to come by and say what has been bothering me. But now i have a reason again. See..since i had my son, his father had denied him, saying that he heard i was with some other guy. Well, he checked his sources found out he was wrong and that i was really telling the truth. He agreed to sign the paternity papers for my boi. Tommorow is the court day, and my dad said that he’d call Andrew to make sure he knew to be ther to sign the papers. He said he would be, then asked if he was signing them temporarily until the paternity test was in. Which basically means he’s back into the old notion that i was with someone else and he’s unsure if my boi is his. It hurts. It hurts thinking that he’s going around trashing my name more than im sure it already is now. It hurts that he’s back into this old notion after having reassured me in thinking that he was going to sign those papers. I don’t know what to do. Im so tempted to leave the state entirely so i don’t have to deal with it. But if i run now i’ll be running for the rest of my life, and i don’t want to teach my son that. I wish he’d known his father. I mean, he’s two months old now and still has no idea what a daddy actually is. I love my boi with all my heart and it kills me to think that he’s being denied his father/ by his father. What an ass to do this and run from responsibility. I mean, there have been thousands of dollars in bills already. From birth, to hospital, to doctor and so on, because he’s not on insurance because his damn dad won’t own up. Well, when he finally does, we’re going to request half of the fucking money that we’ve spent back. No jerk should get away with screwing my son, my family, and myself over. This is wrong and im disgusted with the whole thing. I don’t know if Im more angry or hurt. I just keep going over and over the whole damned situation in my mind. And everytime I do, another tear wells up. How could he deny such a beautiful precious young boi?? I mean, he has his eyes. He looks like me, but he definately has his father’s eyes. I want to curl up and cry, but i can’t. I have to be strong for my lil boi. I know his father is being a jerk about all this, that doesn’t mean i have to lose my strength over it too. Im a strong girl, but a hurt one, nonetheless. I am gonna go. I need to try and sleep. I need as much rest as possible for tommorow. Please pray for me….