5-26-2011
Today I am a little more down then I have been. The last two day’s I could deal with my situation a little bit more, but today I guess because of the rain I am upset again. My oldest son is out of school today and he asked me why I am always on the computer and not spending time with him. Well that is a complicated one to answer! I am depressed, but I can’t make him see that or don’t want to tell him that. Not including I have been trying to find jobs, because I am not allowed to be a stay at home mom, or even work part-time to be there more for my kids. That hurts! Especially, when my kids are always saying, "You don’t need a job!" If they only knew what our lives are getting ready to become, because of my husband’s decision to split our family apart. Mine and my husbands time will become more occupied with working to try to make ends meet, as well as our minds will become more occupied with the whole situation of splitting our family apart or even eventually finding someone else. I can see why God hates divorce and I am with him!!! Last night my husband had nothing positive to say as normal. He blames me for everything! My youngest son hates baseball, and he forced him to sign up this year, and now he can’t understand why he won’t swing the bat at all. My husband said it is my fault he doesn’t want to play. Hmmm…Could it be that it is his fault he is playing in the first place because it is what my husband wanted and not my son. Not every kid is going to like what their parent likes. My husband likes to force and control and when he can’t he gets angry. Classes example, I am not doing what he commands anymore and he is divorcing me. When is he going to learn this. I don’t even like talking or calling him, because I get the cold shoulder, hung up on, or put down. He said last night due to the tornado’s that him and the boy’s would go to the basement and i should stay up stairs…basically saying it can take me away. I am so angry with his behavior that I actually don’t know if I will ever forgive him. Hopefully, through the grace of God my day will be better 🙁