An entry in which I justifiably swear about work.

I’m off from the college library for the next 4 months so I have excess amounts of time to rant in to the ether (which is unfair since I’m sure Ninnoc is reading at least and she’s so much more than an abyss to me :P)

 

Let’s start by telling how stupid today’s focus group meeting was.  As a preface recently the public library I work for announced it is trying desperately to save our jobs by cutting back on things like meetings (which was announced at an hour long meeting)

 

This focus group is of 10 people including the girl who has to run it.  No offense to all you size 4 ex-fit model blonde blue eyed educated beauties out there (and I mean that sincerely because I know maybe 2 of you and GODDAMMIT if I dont just love you to bits ou gorgeous fucks) but I dont think you think like the rest of us.  Its not that you have bad ideas.  You just fall in to this weird category.  See, to most people the media portrays a world of perfectness that cannot exist.  To you, if you fall in the aforementioned category, the media portrays your day to day goings on and you can’t even fathom how many ways this effects your POV as opposed to ours (the people who aren’t peeled out of a magazine).

But whatever thats just the cornerstone this meeting was based on.  It was supposed to be a focus group to get our opinions on the changes.  I hated everything.  The new colours are rainbow pastels.  So in other words we don’t have a unified colour so much as a single ugly shade of every colour that exists.

The next topic took up almost the whole 2 hour meeting.  Uniforms.  We might have to wear something now.  But what.  Keep in mind that most of the ladies at my job don’t seem to need their income.  I say this because the clothes they wear to work are worth more than they’re actually making.  And god forbid you aren’t a clothes horse.The only greater sin is eating something domestic….unless its so domestic it can from some organic farmer you bicycled out to patronize.  I digress.  It was decided right off that we need something to identify us as people that work there (because apparently doing work behind a library desk isn’t enough) but that the uniform shouldn’t be tacky.  Our meeting leader, so full of blonde ambition had designed these ties.  And since I’m young and thin I could get on board with a thing peice of fabric with our logo on it that can be fashioned into a tie or belt or hair accessory or broach.  But for the 50 year old women with a waist size to match, not practical.  This isn’t american apparel.  We can’t all just do some snide hipster thing with a piece of discarded raw cotton and look great.  Not going to happen.  But that started the crowd thinking neckwear.  Be prepared what I am about to say is going to make you glad of your smock wearing box store days.

There were actually women there, women who spent more than I do for rent on their shoes….who wanted us to wear laniards.

As in the things people with mild mental handicaps wear around their necks to keep their keys in order….or college librarians.

I spent a good deal of my time explaining to these women (and 2 men one of whom has a clothes library parallel to my own) that there are laniards at the college library we may opt to wear but I prefer to carry my keys loose in my bare hands because laniards are mother.fucking.ugly.  a slogan if I may:

laniards: why try and have something that looks good!  FUCK IT!

So I was nearly shaking.  I can’t even wear a nice scarf or tie at my job because it gets caught on everything anyway so regardless of where on the scale between 1 and vomit inducing a laniard may fall visually speaking, they just aren’t practical.  However this point brought us off topic to why we didnt want laniards in the first place.

After an hour and a half of exnaying everything but the laniard which beat out any other uniform option as least tacky (….holy fuck)

one of the most snobbily stylish people I ever met actually suggested we get bolo mother fucking ties.

as in the western ties.  the things cowboys used to wear before cowboys started reading GQ and realized putting a toggle on a shoelace does not a statement make.

so as my style compatriot and I sat there suggesting other ideas that were equally as stupid as bolo tie (no one else got our point) "spats" "dickies" "ascots and pipes" the others were workshopping the bolo tie idea and thats when they came up with the most amazing idea ever.

and I quote because this is like some sort of Jedi mind trick on the whole meeting in which the meeting becomes a snake swallowing its own goddamn tail:

"can we make the bolo tie clear so you can see our shirt through it and it will match everything"

 

 

 

*bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*<——sound of atomic explosion in brain.

in case you missed the fucking shit craze of that statement we were supposed to come up with a uniform so people could recognize us.

In all I think everyone should get on board with my crazy idea.  If you want someone to think you work at your workplace to your goddamn job. 

Its a telltale sign.

too bad NONE of us fell in that category today.