Warning: contains drunken horny correspondance.

lordy lordy lordy oh lordy.

Be prepared to make judgements on my level of goodness as a human.

I am way too drunk.  There was a country style buck & doe 2 m,inutes walk from Waldo’s tonight.  The Lesbian he left me for (oh god if you havent been following along for ages, you a re about to be adrift in an ocean of what the fuck) is leaving for another province soon and I wanted to go drinking with her because a) Im home alone tongiht as Thai is out finishing his album, b)Em is AWOL, and b) shes hawt and I dig her.

we went to Waldos house first, I collected some random males (waldo, and most of waldos friends that I slept with after we broke up, and waldos brother) and all the girls stayed at the apartment.  The boys and I went to the buck and doe, which Im still drunk from. 

What I learned at the buck and doe:  Definitely still attracted to one of the guys whose virginity I took in the great rebound of 2007.  He, the lesbian, and I sent syber sex emails to people from Waldos MSN all night, but only people who would likely know it wasnt Waldo.  Oh and I drank beer and rye until I was a)comfortable with discussing painful family history and b)ready to dole out sugar spoonfuls as a hiccups cure and c) not capable of walking home successfully.

oh hawt.

So at abut 3:30 the girl who owns the house waldo now rents started getting pissy at out noise level and I resolved to leave.  However I wanted this man to leave with me.  Im sure i gave him an OD name before but I am wasted and dont recall.  Lets call him Shanty.  Shanty is smart and sexy and I took his virginity in his pickup.  And he wasnt half bad.  He had a good thrust on him that suggested definte potential.

So I played up how wasted I was in hopes that hed walk me home.  He didnt offer and Scoooter ended up smooching me.  Yikes.  Is it opposties day at my funny farm or what?

So I stumbled home and walked the dog,,,

oh

shit

then I facebooked the following message that will only rain fire and brimstone from here on in

"Hey
I made it home, homie.  God you’re a gentleman (and a scholar).  I am/was so drunk this eve and I was transparently trying to get you to walk me home to my apartment.  Christ knows what sort of alcohol addled shit I might have tried. I havent seen you in fucking forever and when I did, BAH.  I was like teleported into the night we had together instantaneously and it was all I focused on. 
Sorry.
I pulled all that bullshit about grass naps to get you to hang out.  And Im only admitting it because Im so wasted Im having to erase and retype every other letter.  But I dont like hiding shit, Id rather be terrifically awkward with someone than hide from them.  So I admit it.  I cant be near you without an insane magnetism occuring.  You were either clueless or a marble pillar tonight.  Either way, good job.  Dont get me wrong, it wasnt all an act,  Im definetly drunk enough that someone should have walked me home.  But me wanting it to be you was based about 79% in my pants and the rest on the fact that I wanted to nap out under every parked car.
I dont even care if Im officially the worst person ever.
Im so bored and tired of not speaking my mind.
Im attracted to you on a physical level which can obviously be corralled by you but also Im attracted to you on a personal level and I hope we can hang out more and be real friends who know eachother instead of fake friends who never see eachother and just experience random sexual frustration when drunk.
God Im drunk and tomorrow when I recall my blatant honesty Im going to cringe into the fetal position and groan until approxamately 3pm, at which point Ill either die of dehydration or get up and access a faucet.
But fuck it.  Im putting it out there,  tonight, as usual.  I was like a slinky at the top of your steps and you shoved me in on the shelf, wisely instead of dangling me over the steps for a damn ggood time .
 Oh eighties toy similes.  Oh god,  Im an embarrassment and an icon to drunk girls the world over.
Anyways you’reind of shy and this is probably grotesque.

I need toast…advil.  and likely my mother.
Val"

 

 

someone please poison my hangover advil.  I have 1 more day before Thai comes home to resolve my life.

mew.

We’ll see bitches.

I cant form thoughts without getting the spins and I can only type because Ive been doing that in the dark for over a decade now.  Birds are chirpping, hearts are throbbing, and stomachs are churning.

betcha he doesnt respond at all.seriously though ladies…………………………………………………………good thrust right off the bat!

you dont forget that.

Em and I are holding a girl council on it soon.

Representing my POV: satan, Im sure.