is it?

Dear L,
Yesterday and today I have felt absolutely no desire to talk to you.  I am trying to figure out why.  It’s like a switch in my head flipped off and now I feel nothing when I see your picture, hear your voice, or think about visiting you.  I am apathetic, suddenly, after a year of being unable to contain feelings for you.  And nothing seems to help.  The part of this apathy that scares me the most is how little I want to put into the relationship right now.  Every conversation and email feels like a colossal effort, and I can’t imagine bringing up these feelings.  They’re not even feelings… just a lack of motivation and desire.  Some part of the magic has faded over the last few weeks.  Maybe it’s because I realize now more than ever that love is more of a choice than we realize, and I honestly think that there are many people that each of us could fall in love with.  Gone are my thoughts of you as my one and only soulmate.  I think that we all connect with all kinds of people throughout our lives and stying in love is a choice, a commitment, a series of efforts that never end.  Faithfulness, connection and everything else we expect in relationships are investments we make to help our relationship stay alive.  And, I’ve been able to do it for the last year.  Why, suddenly, am I tired of giving? I can’t seem to stop myself from pulling away but I can’t bring myself to talk to you about these non-feelings, this lack of… everything necessary.  And I honestly can’t tell… is it over?