i know better

maybe these will be days and weeks of rekindling and of romance.  some days i wonder how i got here, how i let 8 months of my life rest in his hands, how i let myself be intertwined in all of the messy parts of his life.  because we are different, i can hardly stand some of the most normal activities.  will it be ok when he comes over to watcha movie later, even though we live in a three story house and he hardly gets nought money to pay the rent on one room?  will i feel guilty?  will i feel ashamed?  and how do i tell him, i got a $20,000 scholarship when all he needs is $1800 to get a car?  when will i stop wanting to be everything for him, and when will i know that nothing i do will ever be enough? 

i know better than to make my decisions based on other people.  i will go to ohio, fall in love with my college, make friends, change the world.  somehow i will let him fade into the past and i will overcome the hurt of distance and longing for only his arms.  i’ll turn 19, 20, 21, 22, graduate, be an adult, have my own life and stop trying to fix his problems.  and where will he be?  Mexico City?  married?  probably both.