come in please stay out

there is a traffic jam in my throat.
                   vehicles of sound
                              crush together
                                   making it
                                      impossible to breathe
                               or tell you what i mean.

lived these last few days
in a semi-coma.  been so drugged,
i’ve dreamt of the same white room a thousand times.
and each dream is the same:  i see your face
you ask me what i’m looking for and     i whisper
i scream
i say “i don’t know
what the HELL i’m looking for”

and then i cry.

one face:  you haunt me.  funny i read psychology books and still
fall for my own traps.
they tell me: the girl will always
write her first name with his last name
she’ll imagine their first date,
she’ll imagine their first fight.

oh darling, i’m way past that.
i’m way past dates and petty arguments.
i dream in technicolor,
i build myself a world
where you are king.
i create an empire where
we worship each other in a smoky room
full of guitars and beer.
i’ve picked out the love song i’ll sing in your ear.
i’ve got the moves, the conversation
mapped in black and white.
all you’ve got to do is play along….

and please stay out of my dreams.

but i won’t bring myself to play these games i’ll
creep against the back wall,
batting my eyelashes to keep snow out
and you wont notice me.
i’ll lean against you noncommitally,
lock you in with laser lustre,
lax and luring all at once. 
but you won’t touch me,
won’t desire me,
and my empire will remember:
i am made of sand and dominoes.
i am made of white stone dreams.

the girl won’t think herself so pretty
once he’s slipped between the seams.