days are sunshine
a leap the size of a small town
isolates me.
i’m frightened: i don’t miss
hardly anything at all.
"like art could save a wretch like me
with some ideal ideology
that no one could hope to achieve
and i’m never real: it’s just a sketch of me…"
oh bright eyes. the good old days of depression. now life is like a dream and my dreams are more like my old reality: dark and fearful. but the days are sunshine. they are balloons and smiles and performing. they are music and they are makeup and they are magic. and they are empty space between old friends.
they are feeling thin for the first time. loose jeans. tightened belts. baggy material.
they are old habits that constantly resurface. ragged nails, superfluous vocabulary. but i don’t care.
they are feeling older every day. growing up by the minute and feeling things changing. expanding and living.
they are not days of worry. they are not days of doubt.
they are days of reality. they are up days. they are days spent dreading the day that i’ll come down.
this may be a fragile place. i’m not sure yet. it feels permanent. but what do i know about being permanent?
the only permanent thing, is that nothing will stay permanent
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baby live it one day at a time. i know the feeling. u feel like ur at the top of 1000 story building ready to fall [again]. Just hang on and don’t look down…
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hmm…definetly know what you mean. about being afraid it’s not permanent.
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i hope this isn’t permanent.. i think i’ll jump off a bridge and laugh as i bounce back up.
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meditation can be religious if you want it to be – it’s a very open experience, very applicable to a range of beliefs. one of my professors told me ‘if you get masters of a bunch of world religions together in a room and tell them to do their thing, in the end they’ll all just be sitting there in silent contemplation.” he tells us before we meditate that we can silently pray, chant, or…
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…simply concentrate on our breath. It is what you make of it, and the goal is to gain awareness of the present, of the fact that you are aware – to become silent and not to be consumed by the past, the future, or thought. To be aware of the world and to exist in it, but to know that there is something quiet, something silent, beyond. Whatever that is, is up to your own beliefs.
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I meditate simply for the sensation of being quiet – sometimes it makes you feel high, not having sound coming in or going out of one’s body is a strange new feeling. Chanting or music often help me, especially when there are students outside who don’t realize, as they stomp around and laugh and talk, that there is a meditation class going on in the next room…
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permanence… even if you find something permanent, that doesnt mean you’ll be happy with it. youre better off following the happiness, even if it gets you a little lost sometimes
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