doctors app and depression

yesterday was elizabeths 4 month check up and shots. she has exzema. as well as a heart murmur. emma has exzema too. i wonder where it is coming from, the cat? idk. they had it before we got the cat. i need to go get the prescrption tonight. they want me to apply vasline from head to toe on elizabeth. a few times a day. emma only has it on the crease of her arm, next to her elbow.
the heart murmur. i feel sad, like a bad parent. but somethings just happen like that. two doctors listened to her heart and told me it was nothing to worry about because they didn’t catch it sooner so its something not to worry about. ???????? what? not to worry about? okay i will take your word for it. i will sue though if anything happenes to my lil girl. i will have your ass in hell.

speaking of, richie told his brother about me getting pregnant and now we are getting an abortion. he wasnt very supportive but thats understandable. he said that when we go to heaven we will have a lot of babies up there to explain to.

i don’t really believe in a heaven. i might speak of it every now and again, but i think the ending of life is just like before it began. nothing. dark and nothing. sad.

i feel really really really sick. im trying my hardest not to throw up. once i do, it will never stop.

richie told me last night that i was bringing him down. well dude. im depressed, i told him that. we tried to get along but it just didn’t work last night. so i slept on the couch with the girls. elizabeth had a little bit of a fever so i was up most of the night.

this entry is sinking me deeper into my depression whole. how about some nice things:

the kitty bella looooves emma. they play all the time. sometimes emma will get too rough but i guess thats toddlers for you. my friend stacey doesn’t work for walmart anymore, yes good news. she is on the prowl for a new job in the mall. good luck to her. i have some pictures on my camera i just need to find my cable to download them to the computer. denise no longer speaks to me!! horray!!!! my friend jamie is going to take picture of me and the girls for richies fathers day and birthday present. richie has been selling cars like crazy.

i think emma is getting into something, she is being quiet. bye then.