my longest yet….

i never write how mad i get with richie on here, i hate always making him look bad. there is no escaping it tonight though.

rewind my day: woke up earlyier than usual and was feeling almost too perfect. around 930, denise called and wanted us to come over, so by 12 we she came and picked me and the girls up as well as some laundry that i could do.

we were having a pretty good time. i helped clean her house and what not so when mark got home they could hang out together. 5 o clock came and he came with it. 515, i walk downstairs to check laundry and i hear denise yelling at him. cursing, calling him a pussy. this whole time emma is dancing to this cd that mark put in. i hate aggresive ppl.
anyways, i try to see if i can be the mediator and settle things. i lost. they argued. yelled at each other, so i told denise to take me and the girls home and i’ll have richie come pick up this stuff.

after she drops me off and going straight over to her sons house like she said she would and i suggested she should do, she goes back over to marks and apparently they fight. fist punched and kicking and she tears more of his stuff up. he hit her pretty good though. she has a knot on her eye.

this is where i want to pull my hair out.

richie gets really frusterated and starts being really stupid and briging irrelvant stuff up. i tell him nicely, i’m very concerened for him, i ask him, calm down. don’t yell. long story short,

richie and i are now arguing, he won’t ever consider how anyone else feels about this situation, just himself.
so now he is either trying to hurt my feelings or his finally being truthful. he wants me out of his life, away from him. i treat him horrible, blah blah blah…blah. he wants to keep emma, i can have elizabeth. he won’t give me money to dry the rest of the clothes. so now i have his only work shirt in the fucking dishwasher.

like we are fucking kids play stupid “get back” at games. i really hate him right now. i think this might be the day where i say fuck it, i don’t need you anymore. send me to indiana, i can help my sister out and she can help me out.

i already know whats going to happen here in about 5 hrs. lets see if i’m wrong:

he will wake up to get ready for work. start to get ready. forget that i told him that i have his shirt, so he better get some change. anyways he will remember, he will come to be on the couch and say, “honey, where’s my shirt?” i will say, “fuck you.” he will say, “come on babe, you know we were both mad and stressed out last night, lets get over it, i’ll make it up to you tonight.” i will say, “how so?” he will say, ” it will be a surprise.” i will say, “yea right, you say that every time we fight and you don’t do anything.” he will say, “come on babe. we have kids together, were starting a new life together, i’m doing all this stuff for you and the girls.” i’m sure he will say more shit but i never listen beyond that point.
whatever
whatever
whatever
WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER.

i will get tired and give in. i don’t know if i really will this time. he’s too controlling. i have to do things when he says so. for instance, when he wouldn’t calm down, i left the room to go into the other room. he followed me and said ,”okay i’m done. come back in the room.” i told him i’ll come in there when your done talking to your mom. he kept asking the same thing over and over again, like my answer was suppose to change. well it did. and he didn’t.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. what the fuck is going on?! why do i do this to myself? whhhhhhhhhhhy? if richie doesn’t do any of this stuff, i’ll be grateful. i can leave with peace.

fuck you richie. fuck you and your ungrateful ass for thinking staying home all day is so fucking easy. its not you fucking prick. i will be more than happy to work full time if you would stay home all fucking day without a car, cleaning your ass off, taking care of a sick newborn, playing with emma. thinking when, okay i can sit down now, your wrong. fuuuuuuuuuuck you!!!! i asked for a day off, you told me if i acted good. fuuuuuuuuuuck you!!! still waiting for that day off you fucking peanut brain mother fucker! your just like your fucking dad and mom and brothers. new flash bitch, they are all miserable, lonely ppl.

alright. i need to do something to get my mind back at chill mode.