Argg Some People…. 2

Ok so I know I already wrote an entry on some people that annoy me and it had all started with this guy blaming me for my ex leaving me and so on. Well this one is about other people that annoy me because they constantly talk crap on me. It’s really aggrivating because there are a lot of people that don’t like me and I don’t know why most of the time. They just start talking crap on me. But what’s really annoying is that my friends tell me to not care if it’s just talk because eventually it will go away. Well I agree, but it’s really hard when it’s 3 years later and people are still saying the same thing. I found out just a few nights ago that people were still calling me a whore and a slut and a bitch and all this other crap. I actually met a guy who seems like a nice guy and he liked me until he heard all this crap about me because it was more than one person who told him the same thing. It was like several people and I really don’t know these people that well. They repeat what they hear others say about me and although I know I should just let it go because it’s not true, it’s really hard to because it hurts. Not to mention what it might do when it comes to me getting sole custody of my daughter. If a judge hears all this stuff about me he or she may think that I’m an unfit parent and I should have my rights taken away. I try not to let what others say get me down but it’s really hard not to. For me a lot of the time I can handle physical pain better than emotional pain. And once again it’s annoying that people are saying all these things still when it’s been like a few years since they first started saying these things. It’s hard for me to just ignore it. I was talking to a friend a little bit ago and he told me to just let it go and to not pay attention because apparently these people are immature and have no lives that they have to make mine miserable. Well he’s not the one having a buncha people saying these things about him. And I know he’s right though that I should just ignore them but once again it’s really hard to. I’ve always been told that i’m nothing and I’m worthless and so on. So I have a bad self esteem. And after awhile I started believing what people said about me. I knew in my heart it wasn’t true, but in my head I started to lose sight of what was true and what was lies. I started believing that I was this huge slut although at the time I was still a virgin and that I was a bitch and that I didn’t deserve to live and that I was a waste of flesh and all this other crap. I just don’t get why people who don’t even know me hate me and say all these things about me. And I don’t get why people I thought were my friends say the same things. It doesn’t make things any easier on me and makes me feel even worse about myself. It really sucks because it’s like every timeI finally start to like myself and life and am happy, someone always says or does something to make me hate myself or at least feel bad about myself and it lowers my self-esteem even more so. Sometimes I wish that I had a gun so I could shoot myself and I don’t like it when I think like that. I hate being sad and lonely and depressed. But I don’t know how to be happy and to ignore what people say.