Colddarkthoughtsofsuicide;whydon’tidoittonight?
So I read this poem once and in it, it said "cold dark thoughts of suicide;why don’t i do it tonight?" and that’s what i’m thinking tonight. i feel so alone and depressed. I just don’t feel like it’s worth even trying anymore. I try to be happy and I try to make things work out, but they never seem to and all I’m really doing by pretending that everything is ok when it’s not, is just making things worse. And the harder I try the more I feel like a failure because nothing ever does work. Whenever something good seems to happen, I just end up getting screwed over. I gave this guy a chance and I thought that he was different from everyone else, but really I guess he wasn’t. He just used me. That’s what people tend to do…. they just use me for something and then throw me away like i’m nothing but crumpled up trash. And when I do say how I truly feel people get upset with me because they think I’m just being too cynical and that I’m complaining too much. Maybe I am, but it’s how I feel and I can’t help it. Suicide is the second most leading cause of death among college students and for every 3 murders there are 5 suicides. I don’t want to be just another statistic, but right now I may end up being one…..
I wish I could pass on the changes I’ve done. I just don’t know what exactly they are. It sounds like you feel like I’ve felt in the past. And I wouldn’t say those thoughts are gone, but they’re not in front of me in my view normally now. I think maybe I’ve just learned to say, “So what?” I tend to think I’m pretty happy most of the time, but I also think that life sucks. That’s normal. It might be my pessimistic/optimistic multiple-sides view to almost everything. I think I tend to look at things and pretty much plan on them sucking. That way, hopefully it’s only as good as I planned, or a nice surprise when it’s actually better than I thought! I dunno, but I think “that sucks” and then I smile. Cynical? Probably. So what? What’s wrong with that? Don’t get me wrong, I tend to deal with most people with a more simple happy personality unless I trust them more. At that point I may toss out a bit more sarcasm. I dunno, probably none of this will help you anyway, I’m not usually good with words. Still. I’d like to think you’ll find some more happiness one way or another in your life. (:
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