I Don’t Like My Boss!!/My Ex Saw My Bruises…

I wouldn’t say that I hate my boss, but I definately don’t like him. At first I did, but lately he makes me feel so crappy. It’s like he doesn’t think I can do anything right or at least that’s how he makes me feel. I try to do my best and usually end up screwing up somehow whenever he’s watching me. That just makes things worse. He just makes me feel like I’m a screw up and it really inhales vigorously. I don’t think he likes me either. He doesn’t seem to and that makes me feel even worse about myself than I already do. I honestly look down on myself as it is that I don’t need other people making me feel even worse. Sometimes I just wish I were dead. Not just because of him, but because of my life as a whole. Everything in it lately seems to suck and honestly I think my love for my daughter is the only thing keeping me from going off and shooting myself or something.

I also ran into one of my ex’s a few days ago. He saw the bruises that I have on leg. Well my thigh I guess. I told him that I’m just clumsy and I accidentally walked into something. He said that it must have hurt since the bruise I had was this dark ugly purple/pinkish color when he saw it. It’s starting to go away now. He believed me until he saw some more bruises on my wrists and arm. Now he won’t stop bugging me. I don’t get why it even matters to him how I got bruised. He’s the one that dumped me and left me and did it over the phone like two days after my birthday. And he even forgot about my birthday. I just wish he’d leave me alone. It’s none of his business anyways.

Speaking of ex’s, I still haven’t talked to my daughter’s dad ever since he left. Well he called me on my birthday when I was six months pregnant and apologized, but I highly doubt he meant it. He said some other things that made it sound like he was just trying to figure out if I was going to get him for child support or not. It’s been a little over a year now since I got pregnant and he just up and left me. I keep telling my friends and family that I don’t care about him anymore and I’m over him. And I am over him, but I guess now I have trust issues with people and it’s hard for me to want to date anyone. I haven’t dated anyone since then and the very few friends that I do have want me to give guys a chance when they show an interest in me, but I don’t know if I can. Sometimes I wonder if I’m really over my ex or if I am just afraid of getting hurt again. I would like to think I’m over him especially since it’s bee a year now, but I also had known him for so long and it really hurt me since I trusted him and thought he cared. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m more hurt or pissed off. Ok so back to me being over him; so as I’ve said I think I’m over him, but yet  sometimes I’m not really sure if I am or not. If I am over him, should I still be hurting this badly? I don’t know what to think or do. I keep saying that I won’t date any of the guys that I have liked me since my ex because they’re not my type or I don’t like them like that, but sometimes I wonder if maybe it’s just a defense mechanism that I have since I don’t want to get screwed over again. And sometimes I wonder if maybe it’s because I’m really not over my ex, I just think I am. Argg I hate being this confused. I would get myself a therapist if I had he money to.