::Haggard

toplayalongathome:lastnineinchnails

The sun is rising pink and delicious in the east; it’s practically wiggling through the blinds to scrape at my already raw eyeballs.

My mind is trembling to the point where everything is over-poignant; the sunrise is the end of the world and this song on my headphones is everything and this semester is too much and how will i get it all done and what happens when i can’t make any more decisions and who will stop me from this run on

sentence.

Swimming through acid rapids with razorblade weights on both ankles has never been so blisteringly rewarding.

And everyone keeps telling me, “Stay in school, get your Bachelor’s… you’ll be glad you did.”

Two more years of this? And I PAY THEM to do it to me?

It will all be better when I get some sleep, truly it will. I know this. It’s like I’m operating on two levels. There’s the Starhawk at the keyboard who wants to leap naked through the second-story window, roll on the frozen mud below, and go gibbering and shrieking through the parking lot, rubbing his blood all over everything until they come to take him away. Then there’s the academic, detached Starhawk who’s drinking coffee and smoking crack at the control panel. “We can’t stop here, it’s bat country.” Who is amused and curious at little physical world Starhawk and keeps ignoring the big, red “Go To Bed” button.

We haven’t been in this despairingly manic state in quite some time and the Me at the control panel for some reason doesn’t want it to end. So when I was done juggling numbers and gobbling up code and spitting out busywork and snorting long lines of research citations, I came here to hork up a ball of incoherency. Because i know some of you want to know where i am.

just in school. everything is fine. man, i’m beat. hit that button up there, pal.

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April 15, 2007

Coffee AND crack….damn man, that’s one serious metabolism you’re sporting there. I mean damn….coffee…. Nice “Fear and Loathing” reference there. I snorted soda up my nose (even though I told myself I wouldn’t.) And not to sound like a bad after-school special, but you WILL be glad you got your Bachelor’s. You never know, once you graduate you may have the knowledge tocreate a systems that flash fries learing directly to the cerebral cortex a la “the Matrix” and universities will be a thing of the past. It’s like the circle of life. *grin*

April 17, 2007

this was a great entry

April 17, 2007

Just got your note, which has totally bewildered me. I *am* Legacy from The Pub circa 1994 or so….Who are you?!?! And, more importantly, how did you know it was me?!

April 17, 2007

OMG…Luth?!?!?

April 18, 2007

rynrmn: i’ll make sure to adjust my sarcasm manifold accordingly 🙂

April 19, 2007

RYN: I had to go back and look to see if I had signed my name to a note on that turd Scott’s diary. Clearly, I had. 😉 Things are good! Well, except I *really* need a new job. How are things w/ you? I’m sorry school is such a pain for you right now. Tell me about your lady! (Saw her mentioned in a previous entry.) Thanks for your notes –

April 23, 2007

RYN: Oooh…. a man who understands about the evil pudding cup on the PB&J of life. Wait. A man…who understands…about pudding cups…and PB&J…and life. *falls out of chair*

April 24, 2007

RYN: That’s okay, the firebum has weathered much worse than the occasional chair fall. See? *points to butt* extra padding!! 😀 I was just joshing you. Actually, the fact that you’re a man AND you understand doesn’t startle me at all. Men understand a great deal of stuff it’s just usually they understand it in a way that’s so different from women it’s ignored. *grin* BTW…that whole thing about women going to the bathroom in groups…if you ever DO understand that, would you be a peach and pass it on? ‘Cause frankly, I don’t get it AT ALL. *salutes*

April 26, 2007

Hmmmm……. RYN: Well, not sure why you can’t see the pics but due to budget constraints the Evil Volcano Lair does not currently have any deathtraps. Hell, the devil duckies are part of a work-release program. But if you’d like, I could tie you up and throw you into the dirty clothes pile. It’s kinda like being tortured but kind of not. Like being whipped to death by scented bootlaces. *grin*

April 27, 2007

RYN: Okay, compromise: I tie you up, throw you on my pile of unwashed laundry and lock you in the laundry room WITH MY DOG after feeding said dog a bag of dried liver treats. If you can make it out of there alive then I think you will have fulfilled your Hero’s Union requirements, plus will have my undying admiration for being able to withstand the lethal puppy farts.

April 27, 2007

And I do mean LETHAL….

April 29, 2007

RYN: My DM has Rule 0’d it, and counts memory stuff as being determined by Wisdom. So we’re both correct! 😀

May 5, 2007

i am totally open to suggestions, please, i am so lost in bookstores, i don’t know what to do. help me.

May 8, 2007

RYN: Yes, scrapbooking is my manifestation of my girly side. Like baking. And make-up. And my boobs. 😀 It’s like a surreal match.com ad: I have a blue belt in Tae Kwon Do, I like cars and I can shoot a fly in the eye with a paintball gun from sixty paces. Oh, and I like cutesy paper and ribbons and sparkly things! It’s why I got kicked out of the Ninja Clan. What’s scary about pasting pictures to a page and adding flowery embellishments?? Unless they happen to be Flowers of Sudden Death, nothing. *hangs head*

May 9, 2007

RYN: I’m lovin’ god of war. I haven’t gotten all the way through yet. Is 2 just as good or better? I admit I’m a dork and i’m curious to see how this story will play out, and how they’ll make a 2 out of it but then again, it’s a video game. there’s always a 2.