::Clandestine

toplayalongathome:therealthinglordsofacid(strangedays soundtrack)

Inertia. It seems like this blog is a car I’m trying to push out of the mud. It’s roaring and spinning its wheels, and I’m tearing my tendons off their bones trying to get it moving, and just can’t seem to bother getting it done.

Maybe I’m concerned it will spray mud and bullshit all over me when it finally cuts loose.

A little of a vicious cycle; I miss the sense of community and connection that I used to have, so I don’t post. But I don’t post, and thus don’t get readers or notes or connection or togetherness or fangirls throwing themselves at me or community or death threats or

really much of anything.

I tell myself it’s because I’m caught in a repeating cycle of work and school and such. And I don’t want to repeat the same whining words ad nauseam. I want to be interesting, fascinating, mysterious, powerful, popular, intriguing, striking, amusing, perhaps even

a little droll.

I do so LIKE that word.

I wish I could tell some incredible tale of being undercover in Iran and only having an hour every other month to blog. Or relate my thunderous journey into the mushroom kingdoms below the Earth. Perhaps tell lies about being strapped to a table in a hospital and chopped into tiny pieces (i’mnowjustabraininajarhelphelphelp).

In reality, I’m fighting the good fight with the weather. Working outdoors in this mess makes me feel like Atlas or Superman or a combination of both. Like nobody should be forced to deal with climbing a two-story ladder in the middle of a blizzard just to shuffle cargo around with a 29-ton steel beast under my feet, while i can barely see because the snow is crusting on my spectacles so fast. Like I’m special for doing all that. Tougher and smarter and meaner and wiser. More so than you.

And once I’m warm again, I’m not sure that’s really Just So.

So I’ve been undercover and I have brought back a treat from the wilds of Starhawkia. Something just for my lovely readers to share amongst themselves. A reward for anyone who read through all of this nonsense. Take a hit and pass it on.

I popped the question on Valentine’s Day. yes i did really honest no fooling. how…droll? no.

The look on her face made me feel like Superman for sure. And I think it might be Just So after all.