here to help

"I know you’re all stressed out about your exams next week," I say.

(Despite having taught in Korea for two years, I am still not accustomed to their education ethos here. I teach almost 800 students every week. These kids are first and second year high school students (16/17 years old). They are at this school from 8am until 11pm, six days a week. Well, actually they only do half a day on Saturdays. Slack.)

"I know you’re all stressed out about your exams next week," I say. "So if you have any questions, I’m here to help!"

"Teacher!" they say.

"Yes!"  I eagerly approach their cluster of desks. This is what I’m here for! To educate, to assist, to light the fires within and fuel their passion for learning the English language and empowering them to use this out in the real world!

"Teacher, is this a modal verb?" They look at me with trusting, expectant eyes.

"Umm.." 

Okay, I’m lighting the fires, I’m fueling their passion for English, I’m…   stumped.

I’m a conversational English teacher, okay? I haven’t looked at the intricacies of English grammar for sixteen years. Oh God. I’m getting old. Older. I’m getting older.

"Teacher?" They break into my grammar-driven, panic-stricken reverie about growing old with auxiliary verbs.

"Well.. that’s the subject there. This is the object. Oh look, here’s the verb. Every sentence needs a verb you know. Here’s a noun. This is the adverb…."

Multiply by two, add thirteen, divide by the Queen’s birthday and subtract the number you started with.

"Teacher?"

"It’s a verb. Yes. "

"A modal verb?" Again those trusting eyes.

I look up their grammar book: "Modal auxiliary verbs are invariable (no conjugation). And the main verb is always the "bare infinitive" (the infinitive without "to")."

Exactly.

"Umm.. yes."

They look skeptical.

"Yes, it’s a modal verb," I say again.

They still look skeptical.

Who’s the native English speaker around here anyway?!

Okay okay. White Flag of Surrender to the Supreme Being of Grammar! You can run rings around me grammatically.. but can you say "Irish wrist watch" really fast three times in a row?

No?

Okay..  next question!

Let’s light those fires. Let’s empower. Let’s enjoy the journey of using this fascinating language together!

I’m here to help, folks.

Here to help.