I will kick your ass

I thought of a way to make a little extra money the other day since I blew all my money on birth control for my neighbors (who I’ve been zapping in the crotch with a microwave gun for the last three months to make sure that they don’t raise more morons like themselves). So being the ass kicking super hero that I am, I’ve decided to start a new service on this site:

I will kick your ass for $25. That’s right, for a limited time only I’m offering to beat the shit out of you for the super low introductory rate of $25. I accept PayPal or cash only (you are responsible for all meals and transportation). For an extra $25, I’ll kick your neighbor’s ass and beat their pets. Women and children will also cost an additional $5 because I have to put up with constant bitching. If you live in a tall apartment with kids, I’ll give you a $5 discount because I can toss your kids through the window, unless they’re fat in which case I’ll charge you $100 extra for pissing me off.