Jesus Saves

You know, sometimes God knows just what to do when I’m feeling blue. I was sitting in my apartment feeling the usual sunday afternoon/evening where I’m running out of cool things to do other than dick around some more on the internet or watch a movie and hope that the heat wave that’s still on us like an obese sweaty man doesn’t make my computer overheat and crash again. So I figured, take a walk. A nice constitutional to clear the head.

And at first it’s not really doing much because it’s still too hot out and I’m just bored and restless when I see two starched mormons coming my way. I’ve been seeing them in groups of two coming the city for a couple of months now and usually when I pass them they just smile, say a clear "hello" and try to catch my eye a little, but no, these two pitiable bastards were gonna try to save me.

They each had a name tag with "Elder" prefixing their last name, which was funny since they were both on the lame side of drinking age. They tried, and they were patient, I’ll admit. It couldn’t have been easy having to endure my satanic beliefs like that Heaven would be boring and pointless, that we aren’t here for a reason nor are we going anywhere when we die and that’s fine, and that it would be better if Superman was real rather than God. The kids were patently unprepared for mind as demonically inspired as mine, and one of them was actually getting red faced and evil-eyed at me calmly explaining how his God is a liar and a jerk and that the Bible should have a "Book of Satan" for sake of balance. At times you could almost see him thinking "Easy Josiah" and trying not to ask Jesus to stick a lightning bolt in my insolent skull.

After about 20 minutes they finally gave up and went on their way. And wouldn’t ya know it, I suddenly felt my attitude completely turned around, and I walked home giggling to myself with a stupid grin on my face.

So you see boys and girls, the lord provides for his children.