Gloomy Gus

So…

– I’ll have internet again in July, which perhaps means I’ll be better about being here maybe.

– In the meantime I’ve started my new job, which is doing data entry about fish. It’s bearable so long as I have enough music though.

– However, things haven’t really improved, and a couple horrible things have begun to crop up lately.

– First off is that my childhood dog is dying, and will be put down tomorrow, according to Mom. I visited him alone last weekend, and tried not to cry too much. I’m not completely distraught, and have really kind of accepted it. It still sucks though.

– Another thing is that I’ve become increasingly aware that something is going on with my teeth. My own personal theory is that one of my teeth seems to be pushing up the wrong way, but I can’t be certain. All I know is it’s like some kind of demon is lightly plucking the nerves in my mouth, just to suggest the thought of some upcoming dental distress that will necessitate many painful hours in a dentist chair. Or maybe not, perhaps. The point is, the uncertainty of all of it has started wreaking serious havoc on my head. Last night laying in bed I started feeling waves of terrible feeling start to shoot through my body. It was like being drunk and sick on anxiety and fear, and the best part is I don’t know if it’s all in my head or not, and the ambiguity of it is fucking maddening. I may just have to take an emergency visit to a dentist just to be sure.

– And something that isn’t helping is my dad now insisting every time he calls is him telling me that I need to read The Yes Factor:

He sent a hardcover copy to my apartment last week and has been getting increasingly adamant about it, to the point of even offering me $500 to read the book and institute its 21-day plan. And this is not terribly welcome in my battered psyche at the moment because:

1. I think the entire thing is incredibly stupid and irrelevant to me, which means any attempt to read it will be fruitless since I’m convinced of its own inefficacy.

2. It’s just another in a long line of books given to me by dad that will "change my life" which on the surface seems sweet until you consider that all of these things are his unconscious way of telling me that my miseries all stem from who I am as a person and the only way to rectify this is to read a self-help book that says the same things every other self-help book has said ever.

3. I’m a little put-off by the assumption that I’m broken to the world and need to be fixed by some toothy bimbo who talks about celebrity body language on Fox News.

– It’s also been kind of depressing sitting in my apartment and having no internet or cable, having to watch the same dvds and having few friends to see.

So, just, you know, all of it, including all of that stuff I just endured (having to find a new job, a new apartment, coping with a friend moving out of the apartment and more or less my life) has just not been making your beloved Justlikeheathen a very happy camper as of late. Hopefully the universe will ease up on me in the coming weeks, but from my experience this isn’t something to anticipate.