reality escapes her. [+omg edit]

I think I only want Josh back because without him I’m really, really lonely. Even though i could never really talk to him about anything deep, there was always someone there.
The first few days this week i continued catching the early bus. By wednesday I remembered that the only reason I ever caught that bus was to hang out with josh in the mornings. So Basically I got to school at ten to eight, sat by myself in the corner for forty minutes, and went to class.
What do I do at lunchtimes now?
Well. At first i thought hey great, i can spend more time with my friends now. But it turns out nobody is ever around. Meagly is hardly ever at school these days. And God knows where John and Meg disappear to. i feel like i haven’t spoken to anyone in years. Or really hung out or anything.
The only person who’s really been constantly there is reyne. But these last few days she’s really pissed me off. God knows why. maybe it’s just because she talks. Constantly. About herself.
And I’ve got like.. no social skills.

So on Wednesday i got my belly button pierced. Don’t ask me why. I don’t really have a reason, and everyone keeps asking me "why?". I wasn’t aware that these sorts of things required planning and/or legitimate reasons. Just felt like it, so I did it.
Josh freaked out. Apparently for 2 reasons. a] he was hurt that i didn’t consult him first. and b] navel piercings are ‘hideously grotesque, a major turn off, and ruin your appearance" so I’m horribly ugly now. At first I was really cut by this reaction.

but then i remembered how weird he is.

Today I got to school at about 9:50. I was sitting in the corner by my locker. Sid Vicious walks over and says hello. have I mentioned Sid Vicious? Cute guy in my legal class? Has a girlfriend? Maybe. On thursday in Legal I apologised to him, by the way. For being rude on wednesday. then we had a talk about splendid blue balloons. Back to today. We had a chat. And then he said "I swear you’re always sitting in this corner." And i realised ohmygod, this boy might be right. How sad.

Drama today was okay. Fucked up my lines. thought i knew them better than that, but oh well. Adventures to the rat hole and the cupboard with the big roller door were fun. Talked to Shane a fair bit. Possibly sparked by the fact i tried very hard to offload all those jam donuts on to him at lunch. I thought drama was supposed to go til 4:30. Well, it was supposed to go til 4:30. but it finished at 3:10.. and I had nothing to do.my bus is not until 3:50. I did not want to go to the library. because josh was in the library. And this might cause bad things to happen.
[example: yesterday i spent lunchtime in the library with josh doing homework, and we kissed times many before i even realised what was going on.]
So I sat in the corner. Surprise surprise. Another guy from my legal class walked past and said hello. then walked back the other way and stopped and talked a very awakward talk. Awkward may have been due to the fact that i at first had no idea who the guy was. And when i realised, I had no idea what his name was. And then i felt bad. As he left, Shane arrived, as his locker is near my corner [by the way.. this entry’s Shane is drama-Shane, not creepymannixshane.] He got his stuff and such.. and was about to leave when he was like "You sit here by yourself all the time." I was like.. "yeah.. you’re the second person to point that out today." He asked what i was doing now and I told him i was just sitting there, because my bus wasn’t for another half an hour. So he stopped and propped himself up against the wall and we had chats for half an hour.
i was really grateful for the company. but  felt really kind of sad at the same time, because making conversation was difficult. not in an awkward way, but because i realised that I’d really kind of forgotten how. he asked what I did at recess and lunch, and I told him that I usually just sit in the corner. He told me i should start hanging out in 210 because there’s a kitchen in there, and most of the drama students hang there. So I think i might start doing that next week.
He managed to distract me so much that i nearly missed my bus and had to run a bit, but it was a nice change.

I realise now that tomorrow is saturday. I really just.. can’t be bothered with the weekend this week. Work both days, 10-2. which means opening on Sunday, probably by myself. Wake me up when it’s monday please. Or maybe not at all, that works too.

congratulations if you actually made it this far! you’re a better man than I.

Found my mix CD from when I was ‘liesje’ instead of LC. Many moons ago. So now I’m listening to Smashing Pumpkins and Rise Against and Stone Sour and it reminds me of walking to work in the rain when i worked at KFC. yeah, it’s that old.

49 days until my birthday.
That’s exactly seven weeks.

EDIT

oh my. ohmyohmy.

omgsteve’s.

update to follow I think.

what a night.