not “break-up”, just, “space”.

long story. let’s start from this morning.

well. this is where a big bubble should appear above your head while i voice-over the flashback. because that would be less complicated.
but Ems tells me that it’s not a real-world thing, yet..

ok. today, i finished work at 2:30, and there was still an hour until my bus, and Keira was in town, with her friend Hannah, and they met me. And we sat in centrepoint.

Keira asked how the situation with josh was

I said, pretty much unchanged. She takes my phone and decided to send him a message like ‘hiiiii, what you up to?’ kinda thing. she was going to write ‘i love you’ until i pointed out that josh told me not to say that.

anyway, he writes back in usual fashion. short, non-conversational etc.

so while I’m trying to make conversation, Keira also texts him.

lo and behold, he actually responds and converses with her, while still being short with me, so I said "am i annoying you?" and he said
"a lil." and i said
"why?"
"because I’ve got 3 people texting me."
"who?"
"you, Johnyboy, Keira."
 i said, ‘so keira takes precedence over your girlfriend?’

he said no, and i said, "yeah, but I’m the one you stop texting." and then he said something and i said "you barely ever reply anymore, and when you do, it’s short messages like it’s an effort to talk to me, and you stop replying whenever you can."

and he said "well find someone else to text if it’s so compulsive" or something else stupid like that.

and so I said

"the point is that I’m your fucking girlfriend, a point, which I might add, you seem to dislike of late. And although you say nothing has changed, it definitely has. Because the old Josh actually wanted to talk to me, and the old josh didn’t have a problem with saying sweet things."

and he didn’t reply. This was at about 3:30

and Hannah left, and Keira couldn’t get picked up until 5, so I hung out with her. And in target, we saw Holly. Holly is a loudmouth. Knows josh, lives in Richmond. Is friends with Shopgirl.

Keira introduced me as Josh’s girlfriend. holly was quite.. well, not nice.

she was like "oh, so he’s over… oh. never mind."

she was going to say "dom."

who is shop girl.

and she was WITH shop girl, even worse.

she also thought I was 14, and i had to show her my license to prove otherwise.

also, we then fretted that she’d text josh and tell him she saw us together, because he doesn’t know we talk.

so we formulated an excuse and left.

 I sent josh a message saying "saw shop girl, too, by the way. In target. there’s a more interesting message for you."

no reply to that, either.

shortly after, keira and I sat in the food court, where she started texting josh. she sent him "xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox" and then "they were for you!" just being weird. then invited him out to an imaginary trolls gig on friday night, just to see if later (when i was planning on asking him over friday night) he’d come over, lie, or tell the truth. he asked about details and then said "If I’m not a loner."

and Keira replied "bring LC?"

and he said "we’re having issues at the moment."

and so it started.

so Keira was texting him asking what was up, offering advice, and showing me what he said.

some interesting things he said included "the spark is gone" and "she’s fine, it’s me that’s the problem." which, after inquiry, he followed up with "it’s nearing 4 months, you know me."

Keira suggested he try lighting the spark back up again. he asked how. she gave him some suggestions. he said ‘i dunno.’

at which point she skitzed about how he was stupid and "what, are you afraid of commitment or something?"

anyway, his was all at about 5. the last message I’d got from josh was at about 3. then at 9:30 i get a message from Josh.

"I just need space for a while."

I told Keira, and she said she’d just received a message from him saying "I think I am afraid of commitment."

I asked if we were broken up and he said no, that would be ‘broken up’, this is just ‘space.’
still not sure what that really means though.

I’ve been talking to keira about today’s happenings. And about how seeing Dom today made me feel really threatened. Like, maybe she does like him. And how I’m worried I’ll have to fight for my boyfriend. And also how when I got home I looked in the mirror and stressed that I really do only look 14.

but her reply was thus:

"babe! you don’t look fourteen! 🙁 you are beautiful, and if he lost you, he’d lose it! you are prettier than any of his exes and way more hot than that bogan!!" (‘that bogan’ referring to Dom, whom I think is stunningly beautiful. But Keira doesn’t agree. And unfortunately, a large portion of josh’s exes, including the past three, have been gorgeous.)

but anyway. That girl. Is very much an awesome person, and she’s really trying to help.

I am glad, however, that he’s decided to take time to sort things through instead of just breaking up with me.

it still vexes me greatly though.