breakdown

 so today was kind of rough. before anyone gets any ideas.. i love my son with all my heart and i do/will do anything for him. 

now on today. ok so he cries. he will be almost 2 and the rate of crying/whinininess/tanpums is way higher than the happy moments. i try to practice follow though on trying to help him understand and commincate. but he just rather cry and throw a fit. one morning i had to take a huge poop. and because i did not run into the kitchen to make him breakfest he sat beside me and cries and whined and screamed. i do not run and make his food cause he is crying. i try to talk and show him that it takes time to prepare food. like i dont even know why he started its such a blurr honestly. time out does nothing.. he will cry and then find something to play with..his clothes or dirt lol. i just had my breaking point. i had to lock myself in a room so i could breathe ad cry. i had a breakdown. was it his worst fit no.. but it was more than i could handle. and he does this to me..only me. he is almost an angel for any one else. he doesnt give other people a hard time about eating, or playing, or whatever. it took me 2 hours to be able to start to get things ready so we could run errands. and then i gave up. it was either i do  something horrible to my child or i lock myself in a room . i chose the later. im still upset with him. i have to force myself  to be nice when i just want to be left alone for awhile. no one following me. no one crying cause im not moving at lighting speed, no one throwing a fit over something they want but dont want it when you offer it. i try to plan things to do. half the time i cant do them cause of his attitude. i need a break. and then i feel like a horrible mother for not wanting to be around my kid. like i jump for joy when its his bed time. even though i spend an hour or two to keep putting him back into bad. i know im pregnant and this has something to do w it but i need a better plan. i cant just breakdown. 

on a happier note the bf understood my feelings today and brought him cheesecake and treat. well the cheesecake was for both of us. but i shopping was alittle upset when we went grocery shopping cause they did not have treat. so he picked up a few cans for me. i swear sometimes he surpises me. well going to try to lay down…sigh. i wish i could sleep more.