too sleepy to be witty

 life is so crazy. i say this with amazement of how good things can be and how bad they can be in a moments notice. before i get into anything i need to confess. while the bf was away and i went to nc i was almost cheated on him. i say this to free myself of this burden. i went to a website i use to frequent a long time ago before i even dated myles dad. and i played around exchanging emails with a few guys… and was browsing on craigslist. i am not proud of this. in all honestly i was upset and hurt and emotional. i could not get a handle on myself. sounds like excuses.. i mean to a point it is  but its still the truth. at first i was so determined to have sex with someone. but i kept putting it off and ignorning them until i finally decided that i could not do it. that is the only redeeming point i have in that situation. me and the bf were fighting..we were fighting during my uncles funeral. and i was so upset.. i needed him to be there for me. to talk to me..to understand me. and he didn he just wanted to fight. he found out and took his revenge on me by talking to a ex of his. and it was not innocent but not the worse that could be done. so i cant be to upset. we need to talk and commincate more. and that has just put his a few steps behind. we are going to go to counsiling. 

ok so on to better news. i was thinking tonight. and since i came back i feel like me. not this pregnant version.. not a broken version of me but me. like i ma standing tall and happy. and i can truly see things between us. i mean i held a grudge against him even during the happy moments. and had a fake smile and laugh. but not tonight…not since i came back. i truly enjoyed his company..i truly enjoyed doing fun random things we do. i enjoy our life. a lot of things make sense. the bad part is we have to build trust in each other again. which i think will take longer for him to do so. theres more to say but im getting so sleepy and other things to talk about.

ok so a month ago i called my old univ. and filed a claim against them. and well they found in my favor. and i am going back to school. i am going with the same school. more credits transfer offer and its just all around easier. but i have 10 classes into the new degree. so i am looking at about a year to go. nothing is ever easy with me lol. filled out my fasfa and well it looks like it will cover it all this time around. so that is great news. and just waiting on the paperwork and start date. happiness.

and my nails are bright pink…toes and fingernails.