All About Her

I am back. I am tired. We are closer that we have been before. She is sharing. I think she’s feeling more comfortable because she’s so close to not being my boss anymore. She is telling me stories about her vulnerability. That’s something, right?

She is having a tough week. She told us about all the things that she is facing this week, and she cried. I went up to tell her, “You’re here for everyone else, and I know it’s part of your job, but who is there for you?” She just kinda shrugged and looked bewildered for a moment. And then she said, “Isn’t that what you’re for?”

I agreed I was. And I am. But I told her she had to reach out. And after thinking about it, she probably has in her own way. The wall is coming down.

I was a supportive, on-fire genius today. I was there for people and expressed ideas and talked about how things will get better and we will get through it. I sent resources to people. I loved on them. I said good-bye to some. I will say good-bye to more tomorrow. It was a long day. It will be another tomorrow.

The other day I saw the saying “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” I’ve been trying to live by that. I am trying to not mourn the leaving of my friend before she has left. I am so worked up about what our friendship will look like once she’s moved. I feel like our friendship is kinda one sided. I know that’s not fair. I know she had stepped up each time I’ve asked for help. I just want so.much.more. I want her to need me as much as I need her, and I just don’t think she’s built that way.

I am mesmerized. LW says I am infatuated. I am emoting.

I told Tammi what was going on and she said I feel this way because Beckie is giving me something that Lynnette doesn’t. It’s so true. I certainly spend more time with Beckie than I do with Lynnette.

I wonder if anyone has ever felt this way about me?

I don’t wanna wait for our lives to be over. I want to know right now, will it be? I don’t wanna wait for our lives to be over. Will it be yes or will it be: sorry.

This never feels like enough.