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i guess i’ve made an ass of myself again. i just cant seem to keep my mind on track when all i do is work and sleep. i guess if that is what i have to do that is what i will do for the time being. I will work work work and when i come home just sleep and sleep and sleep. i will pass the time as quickly as i can and prove to seemingly EVERY person in my life that i’m okay. i dont know why i should have to prove anything to anyone to make them love me but if thats what i gotta do that is what i will do. he doesnt want to talk to me because i am too much, i am too emotional, i am too clingy, I am too in love with him, apparently. he wants to live his life and do his thing and i do not. i simply do not. i dont want to go out and socialize, i dont want to make any friends, i just want to work and come home to him. that is the balance that i need in my life. not this isolation. what he calls freedom i call shackles. i dont understand how he can claim to love me and want to be with me and want to marry me and then turn around and tell me these things. he doesnt want to talk on the phone because it feels like the same dysfunctional relationship that we ended in November. it doesnt to me. everything else in my life has changed but my love for him hasn’t wavered a single day. i dont even look at other guys. im not even interested in friends. i just want to go home.