one

there is no hope.
it’s plain and simple.
nothing ventured, nothing gained….
nothing lost or found or even sought.
this world is a barren wasteland of life
a masquerade of what really living should mean.
it is as though we don’t know any better.
it is as though we are simply ignorant.
i am not ignorant.
i am aware of the possibilities,
as impossible as they seem to be.
the only thing that i can do is accept it.
what the fuck is that?
the only thing i can do is “get in line,”
“find my place,” “start my life.”
what life?
you call THIS life?
this isn’t life, this is just…..
i don’t even have the words for it.
it’s a sham, a farce, a fucking impostor.
there are not words to describe the atrocity of calling this, this endless struggle for survival ‘life.’
if this is life then i want out.
i’d rather be hooked into the matrix than have to deal with this bullshit for one second longer.
everyday is a struggle.
everyday is pain and regret and sadness.
everyday is the same.
it. is. all. the. same.
WHEN IS IT GOING TO CHANGE?!!!!!!!!!??!??
WHEN!?
i feel like a broken record.
i feel like i have been saying the same thing my entire life.
when will it change? why does it have to hurt so much?
when will life turn into the thing i always expected it to be?

the truth is, it won’t.

it will never, ever be what i want it to be.
what i thought it would be.
after all, nothing ever is.