Snakes

maybe we are too dependent. did you ever think of that? maybe we are holding each other back… maybe if we weren’t so concerned worrying about each other we could actually pursue the lives we want. it is not the end of the world… it does not even have to be the end of this relationship i just want to know where i stand in the world. i know what i must do it is just that i am afraid to do it. i am afraid to take that step and admit to myself that that is what needs to be done. i don’t even know how to begin thinking of how to communicate this. he is a good person, and he deserves to know how i feel. i am scared that this will end badly. that we will no longer be friends… it is just that i feel like i am going nowhere. and in truth, right now, i am. i am stuck, stranded, sinking into the mud. the only way out is to struggle and suffer and make sacrifices i know are essential not only to my own happiness but to his as well. i think we need each other too much. i need to learn to need myself. i have to approach this with a calm head and a specific goal. soon the time will come to share my feelings. i feel like my stomach is full of poisonous snakes.