Secret Shimmering Glass 2

We eat in silence. We always have. We never liked communication much. My mother looks away, sighing and picking at her food. My father grunts about some other table. I just sit. Feeling the cool blade on my skin. I stare at my food. It looks so repulsive to me. Squid. Who the hell eats squid at a resturant?! I sigh, and pick at it. It makes me want to hurl. A light bulb goes off in my head. I excuse myself, telling them very polietly that I feel sick. Running to the bathroom, I fumble with the lock. I hate being scared and nervous!!! I lock it. I sit on the toilet. I open my boot, and take out the beautiful shimmering blade. I slit. I see the blood. The beautiful blood that runs over my leg. I breath…almost in rapture.

I don’t want to go back out there. I sigh. Knowing I have to. I wash away some of the blood. I close my boot, and walk out. I feel peaceful. Refreshed. Calm. Almost “normal”.

My parents don’t look at me when I return. They just want to leave. We pay the bill and walk to the car in silence. Silence. Such a big part of our family. It’s like the sibling I’ve never had. It’s just there. Lurking. Always there. Somehow, covering up some secret. Some burden. Some lie. It coats everything to make things look perfect, while destroying the other layers one by one.

I look out the window. The night sky is dark, the moon is full, there aren’t many stars in the sky. Perfect night to die. The car ride home is dull. As always, no talking. No communication. Nothing. Silence. My sibling.

I sigh. We pull into the driveway. I jump out of the car even before it’s fully stopped. My mother screams. I silently laugh. I just continue to walk the long driveway up the house. I run into my room. I hate my parents. I hate this world even more. I dispise everything. I take off my dress. I put on my robe and walk into the bathroom. They won’t suspsect a thing. I draw the tub’s water. I repeat everything all over again. I make sure to let the blood drip into the water so no stains or marks left behind accidently. I laugh as I see the blood in the water. I cut. Harder. Deeper. Faster. I can’t stop. I make twenty-three marks on my arm. I breathe again. I’m myself again. I bandage up my arm with some gauze. I put on my robe again. I unlock the bathroom door. I step out into the real world once again.