Mymostself seeks your advice
I’ve been on vacation…
proir to vacation, my thoughts have been scattered and so much continues to "seemingly" overwhelm me.
My baby turns 16 on 8/2… She wants to have a dinner party at a resturant with her friends…She told me that it was not for adults (in other words I am not invited)…I then offered to help everyone settle in and pay for her meal…She informed me that her friend Chris is paying for her Birthday dinner…After more conversation and a letter from me (which I mistakenly deleted and do not have a copy of)…this is her response to my letter…(I changed the names or shortenend them)
Well mom….i know that you love me and you want what is best for me. I love you too. As Far as my relationship with Christal. We have talked about what u said 2 me and talked about being friends. I cried pretty much all day yesterday….it hurts me very bad 2 think of just being her friend. She makes me really happy and i enjoy talking 2 her and spending time with her. We havent had ”sex” or really talked about that….we barely see each other so thatz not really on our agenda. When me and you talked about standards….i was talking about her. Yes she is a girl but….she has goals for herself. She is smart and funny and has a job. She is not a lazy person…she is funny and sweet and nice to me. Yes I do love her. So i’m telling you this not to gross you out but so u will understand my feelings or just attempt to. Also…I get everything that u are saying and itz not harsh @ all….i was talking 2 ana @ church just about christal and what she thinks….she told me she doesnt think that it is really right but that i should just have faith in God……i never realized how hard that was and how stupid it seems 2 struggle with just having faith. being right with my relationship is the only thing that i have been worried about so i wrote down what Pastor Marvin said at church. That I dont need 2 go 2 my minister or anybody else 2 justify myself, that only God can do that….that i cant really do anything but have faith that God will have me on the right track…as far as other people loosing respect for me….my honest opinion….it wouldnt be the first time. I know that these people should be closer 2 me than my friends at school but….thatz the way it goes i guess. I think if they love me they will still love me but not respect me. I cant force anyones respect and im not trying to. If ppl that find out reject me…i have God i have Sissy and you and ana and Na and chard and ron and na and ena and KaLa and Ni and Ra and in time….daddy…those are my needs i feel….well tell me what you think
Why am I sad and scared? I am the most unhomophopic of our circle of friends and relatives…most of our close family and friends are very clear where they stand re same sex relationships…"Sinful"…they also think my 16 yr old daughter…. is the smartest most well behaved, helpful, shining star future, young lady they know. She enjoys their pride in her (so do I) and I am not looking forward to what we might have to endure. Her father has not been told yet…she is his Princess (really)… Hell …I am in shock…I had an inkling about a month or so ago …but it is more than I thought … she states she is not a lesbian because she is not really attracted to females…just This female…..but…she is willing to risk her current life for this relationship.
Helpful tips…advice welcomed!
(one of my favorites recently wrote "red")
"why do we breed?
it hurts so bad"
so she is looking. She seems level headed, no matter what. I am sure that you don’t have to justify your sexual preferences. In that she is attracted to this woman ok. She isn’t having sex. and seems if you keep the lines open she will come to you with Q’s. The rest, from the friends, is because of the dream. You be well, I think you have raised a winner…dan
Warning Comment
You are sad and scared because it isn’t easy to anything other than heterosexual in our society. And sometimes, it’s even harder within an extended family. Just love her, and allow her to be herself. You’ve done a good job with her, and she obviously loves and respects you very much and wants your love and respect in return. Hang in there. *hugs*
Warning Comment
At 16, remind her that she doesn’t have to label herself. That it is possible to love a friend so much they feel like family more than friend. And that she doesn’t have to tell anyone….ever. Because sexuality is personal..whether she is attracted to boys or girls. I think she is the smartest girl…for being open with you about her sex life..and the fact she hasn’t started one.
Warning Comment
16 is too young (I think) to understand the complexities of sex and emotion (regardless of genders), and waiting until she is older and more sure of who she is in all aspects of her life (goals, likes, viewpoints) is commendable. As for why you are sad and scared? You’re the mom. You’ve opened a dialog with your daughter that acknowledges her individuality outside of “daughter.” She’s on the
Warning Comment
cusp of being an adult and leaving the “nest.” I’d be sad and scared even if she was talking about which school she was going to attend or where she wanted to live after high school. Family does come around…whether about sexuality, career choices, and political views….no person is perfect according to our spiritual leaders. the imperfections are what make us human. If it’s not sexuality,
Warning Comment
it’s drinking or music or cursing or any number of ‘sins’ we are warned against doing. I believe the job of a parent (in terms of faith and morality) is to teach our children to do no harm…to be good to others…and to stand up for the weaker person if needed. I think you have nothing to be worried about in the grand scheme of life.
Warning Comment
Your daughter is trying to figure out who she is. At her age it’s kinda normal for girls to be curious, well at any age really. But she is trying to find herself. You are blessed to have her be so open with you! And she does sound like a bright young lady that will go far in life. And if she does decide women are for her, It’s ok. People who really love her will stand with her and love her for thewonderful person she is, not what society thinks she aught to be. You are doing great as a mother. I was not that close to my mother when I was that age.
Warning Comment