Reaching out
I had this incredible urge to contact you Friday while in the air. Just a simple +poke+ and a message to say I thought you should know you’re being thought of….but I didn’t. When we touched down I refrained. And I refrained again on Saturday, on Sunday, and on Monday. But today, I did send you a +poke+ and nothing more …I don’t know why but I thought you should know I’m still rippling.
On Sunday I watched The Hobbit with A. She had wanted to see it and I didn’t have the heart to tell her about the terrible reviews nor that I wasn’t even slightly interested in seeing it, but I took one for the team and happily went along with her. Of course that meant I wasn’t interested in the plot, which as predicted, the move was unbearably boring in the beginning and an hour too long. That left me with too much time to slip into my head and meander through my emotions with you. I’ve moved on and am quite happy with my life…but a significant part of me still belongs with you. How do I reconcile that as I hold someone else’s hand? I don’t know. It is what it is, I suppose. I try not to think about alternative outcomes. Anyhow…
The other night I caught myself thinking of Alan’s upcoming wedding. I imagined seeing familiar faces and that moment where I stand up to give a toast to the bride and groom. I had a lovely speech in my mind and meant every word of it…so much so that even though I kept my eyes closed, a tear of happiness and endless love I have for that friendship managed to escape. And then later I thought about all the people I hold near and dear to my heart and it’s those people that probably know the least in how I feel about them. Why I do that, I don’t know. I’m always speaking fondly of this or that person yet it takes something remarkable for me to reach out to them. Why? I don’t understand myself at times. Especially because I hold so few to my heart. You’d think it wouldn’t take long!
I suppose I’ve been busy with preparing for Esme, figuring out long-term plans for my father, traveling for work, etc… but those are all excuses. It only takes a few minutes to reach out to those you love. In fact, I think I’ll do that now instead of just writing about it. xx