Coping

I don’t know what else can I call it…
I was pissy think morning as I knew I had to call the doctors office and didn’t want to hear the response bleeding is normal during first trimester chill.  I know having 2 kids normal cramps and not so normal. Them are not so normal.  I told her and stated I’ve had a miscarriage before. Suddenly its not bleeding is normal anymore. Not that she said that to me but just heard previous miscarriage was all it took.   She sent me for blood work and I was glad.  Honestly working for a health  insurance company  is a pain.  I think I would have gone to the ER  and especially if it was free before this point . Knowing I would have to pay $150 and what it costs the insurance company I chose not to.  Either way probably same result.   So they told me to call later to see if the levels were high enough to do an ultrasound.  I did call back and they weren’t.  Knowing I would be at 7 weeks and they can usually find a heartbeat by this time ……if the levels aren’t there I know its a miscarriage.   I have to go for blood work on Friday just to make sure they aren’t going up.  I doubt it. 

Done….

I ‘ve known so I’m not as much of a wreck that I thought I be. Hormones are out of wack and now I just want it to be over.  trying to ignore the pains that come and go. Still having that little bit of bleeding…this sucks