I thought…..

I thought passing the test I would feel free. To know I did it. The pressure was off. I did it!!!

My mind unfortunately is working out the bugs…..it drifted to those dark days in Jan were after the first  4 days of the semester I was going to  fail the course. Where the assholes at my clinical site screwed me.  I thought about that day over and over.  No matter what I did was wrong. Mostly it was because they doesn’t give a crap.  The surprising thing is looking back the RT I was with was one that is more through than the others are and he wasn’t that day. My mind drifted to the letter I wrote the dean to our meeting along with the teacher in charge of the program.   He lied and said it was always an option for me to continue to do the program  and clinical the last semester when in reality (yes they told me that BUT I had to be PERFECT the rest of the semester  to get a C and that was virtually impossible) And I quote…"even I probably couldn’t pull that off"  coming from the head of the program and the reason why I went to the Dean.   I liked the head teacher. He was great, understanding, fair, and that’s were I’m having problems……….  In May before we graduated they fired him and put the dickhead and most unethical POS( piece of shit) in charge of the program.   I can’t help think it was me even though I only wrote bad a about the dickheaded teacher.   I keep thinking what if I didn’t fight it….that I did retake everything again.  What would Dickhead do???   I never would have made it nor would he have let me. There biggest thing about not wanting to let me finish  was the boards after I got out of school.   So you go on an pass clinical  but you won’t be able to pass the test….. WTF?? I thought then.  yeah if I took the test in JAN I wouldn’t pass it but its up to ME when I leave the program to pass it…NOT theirs.

The what ifs kept popping into my mind….   I know I should be happy that I did this  and its quite and accomplishment  but little do most know how close I came to not and shouldn’t have.