My Mind is a Hurricane of Thought

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 My mind is full of things I have to do and haven’t done yet need to do…..I haven’t done either of our state taxes this year…they are tenetively done and I just got to send them both get money back but not that much.  Right now if I send them by e-file and pay its not worth it as it would cancel the money back out. Want to do it by hand and get that money back to me….

I have school stuff and other stuff but right now I’m screwing around on the computer as I don’t care….

The last couple of days have made me think.  Think about what I know and don’t.  Dennis took off to Ithaca today and didn’t tell me he was spending the night although I can figure that out pretty easily. although this annoys me its for the better right now as he gets edgy and this is his way of dealing.  I know he’s not doing anything behind my back.  Who knows maybe he is, but unlikely.  Whatever.  You can see after all the crap with him that I really don’t care sometimes and this is where I get 2 faced.  I do care to an extent and then I don’t.  ITs like my heart doesn’t want to fully give in but now its getting to the point it does.  At the beginning  of this relationship I didn’t care. I was hurt and there was a piece missing and I didn’t want to be hurt again.  Now its healed to the point it does and I can deal with it and whats have changed a bit but since this has been going on all along I can’t just say stop.  Besides he comes back a bit calmer as I know dealing with 2 kids day in and day out is hard.  If I give that rational I should get a break too right??? But then..I could go on and on but at least he has an excuse he’s bipolar and needs to get the crazies out of him.. How you like that for rational. Actually the only thing that annoys me is him not telling me he was staying the night, that I had to figure it out but at least I’m glad I figured it out by the fact he took his meds with him. 

SO it seems my brother has been doing drugs, cheating on him fiancee, making fake $20 and using them, and one other thing…… that’s the nicest I could put it….  Some of it is easy for me to believe….the drugs and the cheating…I wouldn’t be surprised.  THe money and the other…a little harder but not that impossible knowing him.  And I am the white trash in the family.

One: I was married once….I didn’t get divorced through all that crap I went through and had to endure. I don’t need to get married for the sake of having a piece of paper that tells me we are together. Although I don’t like the term BF or GF THAT BUGS me. I’m not in High school 

Screw it its getting late……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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April 18, 2010

i have always thought that there should be a different term for people our age who are dating again – i agree that BF and GF sounds so …… high school LOL!

April 23, 2010

Yeah, there should be another word for people who are living together, even if they’re not married. After a while, though, you might as well say “husband,” even if it’s not official.