Beautiful as a flower

Since I lost my other diary…and the diary people have decided to apparently ignore my requests….this will be a "normal" rant/cry me a river, only important to me… entry…rather than my usual broken thoughts…which are only important to me as well…but meh….. have not "written" in quite some time so I will probably point form it up again….
So for my records
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Ill start with E since well just cause
– so I still cry everyday….it is past annoying at this point….however I do have a relief I did not have before….I called him on Friday night crying in hysterics….it was really bad…I couldnt breath….I actually made myself physically sick…once again….he was of course out…at some club…I actually went out to a club as well but came home with my friend early and that is when things went bad….she passed out in my bed and I had a moment to think and it turned ugly quick
– even worse the next day my father came to me and told me he heard me….he said he almost got up and grabbed the phone and was going to tell him off…..I told him I didnt want to talk about it….he told me I was stronger than that…..(whomever/whatever "that" is)…..I once again told him I didnt/wont talk about it (my personal life is VERY personal to me)
– at first I said goodnight to him and that things were okay…we hung up…I had to call back cause I was not okay…I was not even close to it….I do not really remember a damn thing that I said….I am not even sure any words actually did or could have come out…..although….I do remember the one part of the conversation when he told me "T I dont know what to do….I can not tell you there is someone else"…this is where I know words came out…cause this was DEF not the time for him to say that….I told him "do NOT say that to me right now" and from there all I remember is crying and then getting sick….he said he was going to call me back….I ended up passing out…I did not hear the phone…he apparently said he did call….
– I called him the next day…he was out with his boys….I said I wanted to talk with him….he said he would call later….he never did…
– At this point I would just like to say that I was never going to be one of these girls…honestly if someone EVER did something like that to me….they would no longer exist to me…but him…yah he has to be some kind of exception? it drives me NUTS!
– anyways…I called him monday…and finally we talked…..I had time to put everything together….which I would not have done if I spoke to him sooner (eveyrthing happens for a reason I suppose)
– I was dealing with everything….okay that day….I did not have a breakdown….I sat there and I told him….I told him how I felt….the fact that he was my first for pretty much everything…and that I waited this long for reasons….he ended up crying….my intention was not to make him feel bad…I just needed him to know where I stood….not sure why exactly…it just needed to be that way for my piece of mind….
– I asked him questions….I asked him why he stopped caring about me…apparently he didnt…I told him he did….that went on for a while….I asked him why he doesnt want to be with me….which still got the same answer….he is just scared….he wants to be 100% sure…..which *shrugs* I do not fully understand but that is where he is right now….and unless he is lying….I have to hear it…not like it
– I FINALLY got an end….the relief..since after talking for over and hour….he agreed that we would never be together….my stupid ass would wait for him…so I needed to know that….as stupid as it is in the same sense….
– I have not spoken to him since
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Work
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– has been damn crazy! I am not exactly sure why…but I think the changing of procedures has added alot of work for me….although in the long run it should do the opposite….it is just getting to that point!
– we had a"townhall" meeting this is the first time I have ever been to one of these….they feed you and talk a bunch and hand out gifts….my work gives out ALOT of gifts…..
– it was WAY too hot in the warehouse though….I was dying
– this week I discovered a HUGE mistake I made….I ended up setting up a rebate @ .3/cs instead of .3/lb *blinks*….I had 128 entries to fix in the system…run all the reports again and cut a cheque for the difference which came to $13,000.00 oppsy!  Mind you my boss was like its not that bad it is only $13,0000 I kinda looked at her like oi!  I have not apologized so much in my life…but everyone told me it was okay….I had to get the head VP to sign off on my cheque req and I told him about my mistake….he is an awesome dood…he kinda laughed cause I looked so worried and he was like dont let it happen again! I was like um I dont plan on it I feel bad enough as it is….he laughed again…and I took my butt outta his office…
– I spoke with Moa today…the first time I saw her she said I looked very pretty today….and I was a "joy"…I just laughed…I then had to go back and ask her another question…and I walked in asking if she was sick of me yet….she was like no never! "you are such a joy to work with" etc etc…I dont know what the heck was up with that….but she is really high up…so I am not complainning…thats for sure lol
– um NH has been interesting….we chat quite a bit…he is married…has 2 kids….really flirty….which I just am who I am….and I do not think I am a flirt…I think I am witty haha…but apparently wit turns to "flirting" when it is with the opposite sex….I dont really like that idea since he is MARRIED…and has kids…but he has made some real interesting comments and I just kinda brushed them off….he knows that blue is my fave colour and so he came over in a blue shirt…and I said "nice shirt" when he walked away….he sends me a msg…that the shirt would look better on my floor…..*blinks*….we have had many conversations and he doesnt know me…but I have told him things were not like that…so I am hoping he is just joking?…that might be naive…but he is married…and nothing will happen! (at least that I know) plus it is not like I chill with these people outside of work…some of his comments are out there though for someone that is attached..
– now ER on the other hand…..he made me blush and laugh today….I honestly walked away from him….I poked him to say hi….and he turned around and started to talk to me…I continued walking but he continued talking so I stopped and turned around…he said "look very pretty!" (I was wearing a dress today…it caused a hoopla! I almost went home….to change cause I do not like the attention….it is not a revealing dress or anything and I was wearing flats and a shrug…but I normally do not care what I look like when I am at work….so meh)
– He then continued by saying coming here….and I said no!….he asked again…I walked over and he told me I look so cute…etc etc I covered my face with my paper and told him to stop making a big deal! I honestly am like five when it comes to that stuff…I can not handle it lol…..he then made comments on my earrings and wanted to see my nails…I couldnt do it anymore at that point…I said "I cant take this" and walked away….
– he msged me….and he said you look as beautiful as a flower….I honestly laughed right out loud….my face went red….it was so chessy yet cute…no one has ever said something like that to me….and I have heard some interesting freaken thing….that damn guy!…..we chatted for a bit…..he is always fun to talk with….although today I was sooo uncomfortable…compliments meh!
– apparently I am going to see him morrow…..oi!
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other guy stuff
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– when it rains it pours with me….so there is this guy from highschool….that we started to talk again…via facebook…and he is nice…never had a problem with him in highschool but we were not tight…now all of a sudden he wants to teach me golf….how to swing….wants to meet up….wants me to call him…and I am like whoa back up the bus dood….I told him I am not looking for anything…AT ALL….we shall see…since he has msged me 3 times on facebook and now on msger…a bit too much for me!
– apparently M was talking to this guy we both went to school with and he wanted to meet up with me this weekend at the bbq….I never ended up making it since my internet went down and the directions were…well online lol…
– there is another kid that wrote me a damn novel….about being with me….I told him to go fly a kite…like wtf

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– although it does slightly scare me…with the attention…at this point it kinda helps a bit….since I am still stuck on E….and I dont feel pretty or anything…but meh….kinda empty….in the same sense? if that makes any sense….

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– long weekend this weekend….hopefully I will get together with D, I, J etc…..spent last weekend with M that was good times….
-I have apparently stopped speaking with X…or vise versa….she has a boyfriend and apparently thats that….she is 26 and she is acting like that…however…we are very different and as we grow up the more I dont like alot of things about her….she thinks she is better than me…..not sure why…but I really dont like people that think they are better than others…especially since she is suppose to be a real close friend?….um yah…so I dont really care….apparently this is my time to drop off "friends" out goes T and her…lol people I have known for over 8 years….weird….ironically I actually miss and long for E and I have only known him for over a year…the other 2 I can just shrug off….oh well
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I have to booghey now……that is a "quick" update haha