Point Form

Well I apparently have lost my other ‘main’ diary on this site….which honestly I rather not talk about right now…

I just have to do an update I do not have time to put it in any form but just wanted to make note

-Monday May 21 I sent my final msg to E saying he doesnt have time for me and I was going to go…he called me like 3 times…we talked….and met up with him….this was a HORRID idea….first cause I was slightly drunk….second…cause I was not in any state to see nor talk to him….def not stable….I broke…and when I mean….broke…I mean not like aww tear….like uncontrollable fit of tears….it hurts me so bad it is unreal….we were at a park….he picked me up and took us to ‘my’ park….I told him to take me home….on the drive home I told him to stop…I couldnt handle it…like seriously….it is stupid……and then…even better he has a panic attack….starts to cry and says he should tell his mum etc etc….so…I flip out of my world and now I am worried to all hell about him…we chill…til he is okay…and go get him some coffee….this whole night was messed! it was horrid….and it was a def end…if that was not already apparently…mind you….still could not tell me that….but whatever…the wishy washyness of it all…and then him letting me ‘fade’ has on top of breaking my heart has pissed me off….its a great combo….

– Sunday May 27 2007 I officially signed the papers and bought my first (and hopefully only) house.  It is the ‘pink’ house (had a pink gargage *gag*
– price $410,000 ….eep!! that was not how much I wanted to spend….and I will probably be eating cardboard for the next 10 years
– apparently I am very young to be doing this…let alone the house that I am getting oh well
– I was preapproved for my morg.although things have been totally f’n nuts right now
– Monday May 28 2007 came home to my ‘house talk’ which was quickly stopped when we found out the thr truck that had all of my parents stuff and all of my stuff was stolen
– my heart fell into the floor…all the pictures….furniture….crystal from my grandmother….collectibles…pinball machine ….clothes…etc etc…gone bascially more than half of my life (in stuff) was stolen….and forget about my parents in total there was over 300,000 dollars worth of our memories in that truck
– people honestly make me sick….
– I ended up crying at work….because people kept asking about my house….I could not hold it in…I HATE that I could not control it…it was only a tear but still….
– My stupid butt called E….why?  I have no idea…really…..he always had a way of making me feel better….when he was not making me cry….but…this time I believe I expected too much since we talked for a bit….and when I asked if I could talk to him later on….since I could not sleep he txted me ‘goin to bed. Tomorrow.’
– I did not respond and I blocked him on msn getting ready to delete and turned off my phone.  He never asked how my doctors appointment went from before…and I had another one that I was suppose to go to yesterday which I had to cancel because of all this house stuff I have to do…but that did not matter
– no call…no msg just to see if I am ok…nothing…..I adore how I am always there for these people….and they claim to care….etc etc but when….I just wanted to talk to someone….about ANYTHING….he picked sleep…this is def my moment of being selfish….like CHRIST I am not asking for huge scarfices here….but it shows me how different things are…since he apparently can not say it he shows it- thanks for the consideration! f him
– so I am packing up what I have and dropping it off at his house…..I do not even want to see anything that reminds me of him….I will try and deal with my mistakes when I have a moment between going to banks and making up police and insurance lists….but I can not have him in my life…like he is def not friend material…my standard for friends far exceeds that shit….if I can not have some faith that I can count on you…like wtf is the point?
– it honestly makes me sick to my stomach
– I know I have not gotten over it all since well he makes me sick right now….however this is the final stage for me…before I hit the lovely stage of indifference….which is where I disappear and dont give a lick….people n pushing me sheesh
– i have not slept AT ALL in two days….my head is pounding and everything hurts
– as a plus some of the people that I work with are so awesome….P who has worked beside me since I started has always looked out for me…and has offered her support….my boss and big boss I told them today what as going because they kept asking about my house and it came up…they have also been very nice about the whole thing
– N was oober funny and he made me forget about some stuff for awhile
– EA has also been funny and he is a nice guy too boot
– however I have to now go talk to my boss because apparently I was suppose to get a raise in Jan since they are not going to give me the raise in aug (when I started)….I dont know what will go on with that but I am really not happy with any of that situation either
– I am leaving work early morrow as well…since me and my dad have to go to the bank
– have I mentioned my head hurts?
and now I have to go work on the police list….maybe ill sleep next week 🙁