.ugh.

where do i begin?

this week was nuts…first, someone whom i thought of as an ok person to hang out with recently became a born again christian…i have no problems with that whatsoever…in fact, i applauded his move because it was a step toward bettering his life etc. etc…i have lots of uber religious friends, and none of them have a problem with me…but anyways…after about a month of this, my friend and i started discussing his beliefs and my lack of beliefs…i guess he perceived this as me trying to get him to not be religious…but it’s not what i meant at all…i just thought it was nice having a debate because then it revealed more about how his beliefs are and about who he was etc. etc…but recently, he has said that i am "of the devil" and that i am "bad company" and that i "corrupt people" and use my other friend that he is also friends with as an example…let’s just say the other friend is annoyed with this guy because he doesn’t believe he has a mind of his own…so yeah…i discussed it with my counsellor because i was feeling really bad about it…and i have to seperate how i feel, with how i THINK he feels…because i get into people’s heads too much and try and figure out what they’re thinking…it causes too much stress for me, and i don’t like it…so, i’m going to fix up my own mind 🙂
also, another person whom i thought of as a closer friend decided to invite my best friend to his party that he was having…but, he had asked her not to tell me about it because he didn’t feel as if it was the "best place for me"…so, i was pissed off…not because i wasn’t invited, but because i) he was basically thinking i was an idiot and wouldn’t find out ii) he was basically saying i am vapid and can’t hold a conversation without acting like a primate iii) he was trying to get a very close friend of mine to keep something from me, and that could have fucked up my friendship with her…which is wrong…so yeah…BUT, at least he’s talking to me about it…unlike my first friend…so, things will get better here, but i doubt that things will be the same…if he invites me, i will not go because i’m too busy rejecting pity invites that day…

now…on thursday there was this party and there was only supposed to be light drinking…haha…didn’t happen…i was trashed…let’s see if i can recall everything i drank:
– half a bottle of peach schnapps
– one apple martini
– one martini glass full of whiskey, plus some sips of whiskey
– half a *small* bottle of soho stuff
– 3 swigs of vodka, plain
– spiked apple cider, that kept on getting spiked more and more

so yeah…i was trashed…and my friend had to drag me home…to realize, that i had lost my keys…i threw up outside my apartment building…we had to walk there because there were no more busses and i was poor and had no money for a cab…so then we had to walk to my friend’s place from there, which was a long time…when we got there, he gave me a puke bin and i used it and used it well…
in the morning i was still sick, because i have to get EVERYTHING in my system out before i start feeling better…so i used the bin again, although this time i wasn’t alone…and fuck head matt says, "we have a washroom, you know"…i wanted to splash the bile-filled bin on his face…i wish i could have said something at the time, but i was concentrating too much on how crappy my stomach felt…i didn’t get a headache tho…i never have as of yet…
apparently, the friend that dragged me to his place has the belief that i may have feelings for him…i don’t want to be mean, but i don’t…it may have been different if he wasn’t so into my sister at the beginning, because unlike her, i don’t like guys who used to like my relatives or friends (that are good friends)…it’s creepy…so yeah…we had an awkward get together friday night…not good…oh well…

but i had a fantastic day with kyle again 🙂 we did the lounging day again and just stayed in bed and had cold pizza…and…i was happy…we talked a lot about the future…and i’m excited…i feel much better every time i see him…i just feel so disconnected from him when i don’t get to see him for over 2 weeks at a time…and i think that my mind will be better about that once things are sorted out…and he has said it before, but he referred to me as his "girlfriend"…so that was fun 🙂 he says that for my birthday he’s going to make me a glass engraving because i made him a cake 🙂 i don’t think he knows what i like though…lol…he is also going to get me a present :D:D…lol…i don’t know what, but any present is nice…and his time is a great present because apparently it’s very precious because he has a lot of bands he’s working with lately…doing vidoes and recording and stuff…i think that’s awesome though…we also had real conversation where i didn’t feel he was the one doing all the talking…although i probably sounded like a dork, i don’t care…i’m trying…and i communicate the important things…i just have to get used to talking to him like a friend like i have to do all my friends…and that will take a little time 🙂