Bad Day * important edit*

*edit* well i figured using my mom chipperness to my advantage I thought I’d get her to blow a few hundred for a nice wedding cake. So she happily agreed to that. Not that I don’t think that will come back and bite me in the ass. But it will be worth it to have a nice keepsake from our justice of the peace wedding. Anyway while talking to my mom, I was telling her something about her business and how to find it on yahoo, she blurts out if you type in my name in the web, you can find my diary. OMG! So I immediately put it on OD members Only (something I had forgetten to do) and I think I’m switching to Favorites Only for a while. So If you don’t know if your on my list and wanna be note me. I dont expect to many people wanting to, but I thought Id be nice and ask.*end edit*

I’m so FUCKING pissed! Why when I want things my way, everyone else has to get their panties in a bunch about my OWN DAMN WEDDING???? I didn’t want my parents to come becuase I didn’t want them wasting 700+ bucks on tickets and hotels and food here, when we are jsut re doing the ceromony in San Diego when we get back. But my mom had such a fit about it, I told them they could come. Number one, I certainly didnt want her stress and conflict around on our special day. I might sound like a pure bitch , and I don’t really care, but I CANNOT stand being around my mother. She is the essence of DRAMA, and STRESS and HATE. Everything is her way or she gets vengeful and spiteful. As it is I have to BRIBE and SUCK UP to her to get anything at all. So now I have to deal with all this stress or risk her not paying for us to move back. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD!! I’m going to be bald. Now I’m dreading the date that they come out. I can feel negativity.

I’m know I’m not a bad person for not being close with my mom. It’s not my fault. She’s closed off to everyone but my father. She cut her parents out of her life at the age of 19, and has cut all her friends out as well. She hates her parents, God rest my Grandpa’s soul, and she doesnt know, or care, if her own mother is still alive. She hates my dad’s side of the family. The entire family. Serveral times as a kid I was told I shouldnt have been born and she should have aborted me. Yeah she doesnt feed hate, she is hate. When one person has that many problems with so many people, its obviously not you. The only reason I continue to try and have a semi decent relationship with her is because I never got to know her parents very well. All I was told is how they were horrible people. When Chris and I have kids, I’ll let them find that out about my mother themselves. I’m not going to deny them the right to know their grandparents, even if my mom is hateful. Let them resent her for being herself if they wish, rather than our kids resenting me for not getting to know them. I’m more dissapointed in my father. It seems as time has gone on, he’s been acting more and more like her. I guess thats how hate changes you.