22 Days

22 Days until we head back to Indy.  I’m looking forward to the trip, knowing this time I get to stay there. Unfortunately I will have to ride all the way there with his son. That awful music they listen to is just so wrong! I will have my headphones and all my electronic devices with me for entertainment lol. So sometimes soon I’ll start going through my things to start packing, throwing away what I don’t need to keep, and updating my list of things I don’t want to forget to bring with me. S’s son is going mainly to see his mom since she lives in Indy too, but also to help S drive back. I’d rather S not drive alone all the way back to NC, so in that I understand and I wouldn’t want his son to miss a chance to visit his mom (sordid as their relationship is lol). When S went down there to pick up his son to move to NC, I went mainly because I wanted to see my mom  and sis lol.

I am also looking forward to putting in my two week notice at work. I will be doing that this coming Sunday, the 28th. No one knows I plan to do so, but one coworker knows I do plan to move back to Indy next month. I don’t talk much about my plans at work as I don’t trust many folks. I hate that place, and they keep doing so many shady things. I’ve noticed that lately, for about a month at least, they have taken me out of the office and had me doing just self checkout. Two days out of the week I hang price tags when sales change, but the rest of the time I can work on the front end, with the exception of Monday since I don’t work those days. I have also been taken out of being able to do Western Union transactions, their reason; because all of my work time isn’t dedicated to the front end, I’m no longer eligible to do western union transactions. I can just do money orders, lottery, returns, overrides and whatever else. I’ve also noticed they have moved two other CS folks over to the cashier side, and of course we all happen to be black. No I’m not really trying to use the race card, but that’s just what I’ve noticed. Only one of the assistant front end managers does the schedule every week, so she controls who is scheduled when.

I brought this to the other CS people they’ve done this to, and they have noticed it too, but like me, they know questioning it is pointless. They’ll just lie to us. I’ve just noticed this, and then when I see the past few schedules and the next ones, same thing. Same 3 folks that used to be in CS are now cashiers, but everyone else, including newly trained folks, gets all their hours there at the desk. It’s so unfair, and yet they try to act like you’re too dumb to notice. They were trying to tell me that for me, it’s because I work in two diff departments, but the other two only work on the front end. It’s just so crazy. I don’t even know what to do. One of them only gets one day scheduled at the desk. They both just shrug it off because they know they’ll be fed bullshit if they question it. I’m leaving anyway, but to move someone without talking to them as to why is shady as fuck. Yeah they are still paying us to be in CS, but still. We’re basically just back ups now. I was on call the other day and had to come in. Part of my time was helping at the desk, the rest was running a cash register. The job has become boring as fuck. I don’t even like doing the price tags anymore, even THEY are acting like I’m too stupid to do my job correctly. I cannot wait to leave, I’m so looking forward to putting in my two week notice.

Yeah so I have many reasons to leave here. I can’t find a job, the jobs I’ve had don’t pay shit and no room for advancement, and this relationship is the main reason I wanna leave. I’m looking forward to being free again, lol. I have so many things I’ve kept inside, some I have not mentioned here. I plan to tho, just cause I wanna get it all off my chest. SO many hurtful things have happened to me, and all have been blamed on me. So leaving is such a relief for me. He’s already requested the time off, so at least I don’t have to worry about dates changing. I’m not a bad person, definitely not perfect, but I don’t deserve to be lied on, lied to, or mistreated. I am never really appreciated, words mean nothing if actions don’t add up. I’ve been told my actions show I dont’ care..hmm. Yet his son can do all sorts of shit, and still get all the love and devotion. Yes that’s his son, and no I can’t compare, but it’s not fair that he’s doing all the things I’ve been accused of doing or not doing, and I’m treated like shit. Yet, he’ll bend over backwards to avoid upsetting his son. How can he think I don’t care??? How can he think I can just let go of the past? I mean I could, but here’s the thing….the effects of all he has done to me, have changed how I act or react to certain things, it’s changed my mood and self esteem.  So when I change, then I’m blamed for the change. Yep, being alone is the best for me. I’d still love to get married one day, but I’m in to rush for the next relationship.

As for school, I am gonna continue. This week I plan to contact the schools to see what I need to do to transfer from one to the next.  I am passing all my classes, but the most challenging and frustrating is the economics one. I do not like my teacher, or her style. She’s willing to help, but because she knows this stuff and has been teaching it for years, she acts like it’s so simple. Her teaching style doesn’t work for everyone, yet she acts like it does. SO now I have to meet with her Thursday for another session, to see if she can help me learn this shit before the final exam. Last day of school is May 8. I cannot wait to be done. I plan to start in the fall, in Indy. So hopefully I can get that going. I don’t have time to do summer classes, but next summer I will. I am also gonna start putting in job apps in Indy, and doing address changes this week too.