..Sharper consonants than you, love..

hair in pin curls..just finished ironing it..trying to keep these fingers ultra busy..cig craving every 40 minutes..

took a walk earlier..watched strangers..drank coffee..went shopping..nothing exciting..

wrote a really good entry but my phone decided to eat it

i was looking for validation in d and every guy before him..the taken guy=the ultimate challenge right? if i can steal him away then that just proves how awesome i really am..effed up logic..and i had to really sit down and have that conversation with myself…the slutty teenager with daddy issues still pops up..in fact, i guess she was never left..

d wanted to be worshipped..to have someone cater to his needs..he didnt want to hear about what bills are late..or that the baby needs diapers..that he forgot to take the trash out again..it was a fantasy for him..what i failed to realize was that it never mattered who "she" was,..its all the same..a pair of lips..mouth..throat..and face for his frustrations to release against..

i was too busy playing a warped version of fantasy mad-libs..filling in the blank spaces with make believe romantic notions ..his silence was not a code to decipher..the cold behind his eyes was never a mask either..he was being honest..i just didnt listen..love is not always a two way street..sometimes its the deadend where your demons live