The Loneliness is Palpable

So I’ve had an incredibly bad week…I miss my mom.  A lot.  I miss my friends.  No one seems to want to talk to me.  Like friends from Calgary and such.  My sisters being a tool.  one of them.  They all got together yesterday and went to Drumhellar 🙁  My dog was put to sleep on Tuesday and I didn’t get to say good-bye to him.  I’m a wreck, 24/7.  I’m useless at work.  I’m anti-social at work, and I cry when I’m alone.  I got talking to my friend the other day, a really good one, we kind of have the same issues I suposse, and I kept getting these thoughts: how could two people so alike not go any further than friends?  I mean we kind of tried it out in highschool, but he was immature and i was scared.  I miss being in a relationship.  Not that I need to be in one to be functional or I need to depend on a guy or anything, it’s just I feel I’m missing out on great things.  Single life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  I mean, I love being able to come home by myself and just do whatever I want.  If I feel like veging out infront of the tv, I’ll do it, or if I feel like eating a pint of ice cream, or taking a super long bubble bath, and blaring my girly music, I can do it without worrying what some guy will think, but thens theres other things.  I got used to coming home to somebody.  He was a friend, but I liked him.  We kind of got along, kind of didn’t.  But that was just problems with rent and such.  Then he goes and calls me the other day and brings up, "Did you ever think of us together?  Married?  It crossed my mind a time or two." 
Excuse me?  ANd your just telling me now?  and then he wanted me to visit for canada day and im like, 1. can’t afford it, and 2. moms coming down here.  and he was like, "Oh I would have paid for your way down."  PARDON ME?!!  where is this coming from?  But I could never really picture myself with him.  Could I?  I don’t know anymore.  It’s suprising how much i want into a relationship, given my fact of how my last one was.  It was a huge mistake is what it was. 
It just seems like no one is interested at all in me and after Erin’s bday and getting this huge slap in the face…it’s liek i want to give up trying. 
I’m lonely and I miss everyone.