Honestly…

Ok, so this is totally how I’m feeling right now…

But sitting here waiting for this is torture
I’m so glad you’re far away
Is that a terrible thing to say?
Well, I wonder if you’re ok

3 guesses who it’s about…  The first 2 don’t count.  I had an epiphany last night.  It’s over.  It was over before it began.  I thought that we didn’t have sex the night before he lefft because he wanted to tell me I meant just a little bit more to him than just sex.  Coz I seriously thought the last few months had changed.  But now thinking back on it…  We never had a relationship.  It was work, sex, and occasional drinking.  Because if it was more, he’d call wouldn’t he?  Because he’s called other people quite a few times, and never called me.  But last night I concluded it.  I don’t want to worry about it anymore.  I mean yes, I care about the guy.  I always will.  But pursuing anything further with him would be emotional suicide.  Honestly.  And I can’t do that again…  Especially now.  I’m healing right now, and so far, its going fantastically.  I don’t need to be worrying about what coulda been, what shoulda been or what woulda been.  I know the past is what makes us who we are, but if we know who we are, who needs to repeat it.  We don’t need reminding that we’ve made mistakes in the past.  This is what we call learning from our mistakes.  I’ve got fabulous friends now and with me planning to start school again…  I’m not gonna have any time anyways.  On top of working.  Once I can go back. 
So as I sit here and eat my froot loops, and waiting for the rain to come, I will only remember the good times and most importantly, that I am happy now.  Without him.  I said good bye to him.  Forever.  Shall our paths cross again, then so be it, but until then, no conversations, no reminicing.  Should he pursue a conversation is when I will let him know of my decision.

What’s the point of a butterfly having wings if she couldn’t fly away?

Then, with this other chap at work that I’m so glad I didn’t waste my time with who saved me from that by telling me how incredibly shallow he was.  And even though I knew nothing would ever happen…  Apparently he doesn’t like to date women older then he is…  It was still dissapointing to hear of his poor morals.  I lost more than a chance with him…  I lost respect for him too.  Silly young boys. 

My cat loves to lie on top of my tv.  What a dork.

Krys