Thoughts on Caring for a Sex Offender

Conundrum. Yesterday I was called and asked if I’d be willing to do a non-emergent patient transport into hospice care for work. I said np. Got up early, got showered, picked up my partner and we went to the hospital. Picked up the patient, loaded him in, no problem. Odd thing though, I noticed a tear going down his face when I was lifting him up into the ambulance. Once we shut the doors my partner and I talked, who wanted to drive? We both didn’t care and it ended up with me driving. Okay, no problem. So a few minutes in my partner reaches up from the back with a note for me and I read it. "I think this guy is a registered sex offender." So I’m like. Why would you give me that? So I write back: "Swap?" I’m thinking she has an issue with the guy, possible personal in which case it would be better for me to take the back. I care more about my partner than anything any patient might think, especially a patient like him. She waited a sec, wrote back she was fine. So I sped up a touch, doing five miles over at 60 mph instead of 55. Got him dropped off some time later. But it sparked a lot of thoughts. 

What did he do exactly? There’s no doubt in my mind that Bonnie knew him and that she was right. So…what happened with him? Was he the sort of guy who raped someone? A little girl? Or someone falsely accused? Hm. Well who knows about any of that. Think. Lets say he’s unjustly accused. Okay, then obviously it’s most correct to treat him like any other patient. But how often does that happen, is that even common? I don’t know, but I suspect not. I know it happens because I’ve seen it happen to others, but that’s definitely not the norm. Unfortunately you can’t assume they did nothing though, one has to trust in the justice system otherwise the whole thing gets sticky. So lets say he’s justly accused. Should I treat him different? Hm hm hm. Part of me definitely cares less. Or rather, not less, since I don’t care to begin with as a general rule, I do what I do because it’s Right, not because I care about them specifically, but rather I start to have antipathy for him. Don’t care if he’s old and dying. Antipathy all the same and no pity nor forgiveness for it is not mine to give. Lets say it was a more severe sort of case, such as with young children. Only difference is my antipathy is greater. Enough to do something differently to him? Actually, I don’t think so. That’s as much self-interest as it is lack of motivation. Starting with the latter first. I dislike a lot of people. I don’t do anything to those people either, I have no motivation to. I just avoid them. Even if my antipathy is very high I won’t do anything. It doesn’t serve me to. If I do, it won’t make my antipathy go away, nor will it make me feel good. It will also endanger my job, endanger future jobs and also potentially land me in jail and/or get fined. And the situations/events that this guy caused, my retaliating won’t change them, won’t fix them and def won’t make them better. Then you have to think that negativity ripples, same as positivity does but stronger. If I were to retaliate to him it would just spread more negativity all around us, most importantly, it’ll spread that to me and taint how I think and feel. It’s not worth it at all. 

All this thought about retribution made me think, the guy’s son was in the room with him and he seemed really friendly and happy to be getting his father into hospice care back at home. It struck me as a bit odd, but kind’ve endearing, something sweet that you don’t see in every family. But what if the father had fucked around with his son and his son was just waiting for this to get back at him? Could that explain the tear I saw when I was loading him in? Should I ask the patient if he felt safe back at home? I wrestled with this a good bit then decided that I should and would. And I did. After I backed the ambulance into the home and we got him situated (the son wasn’t there yet, but the hospice worker was) I asked the patient, is everything okay, do you need anything else, is it okay for you here, do you feel safe here? Nothing out of the ordinary for that, that’s my job even if most EMTs don’t go as far as to ask elders if they feel safe where they are. I think it’s because it’s an awkward question to ask, like asking if you have taken any viagra tonite or if you’ve taken street drugs or if you have HIV. All are valid questions in certain circumstances. He said everything was good. So there is that. But I still wonder if everything is aboveboard there. The tear really struck me as odd even before the sex offender bit. Hm. Out of my hands now. 

It might seem odd that I just talked about antipathy for the patient earlier then looking about for his safety. I don’t think there’s a disconnect. The reasoning is exactly the same as it is for why seeking retribution is not helpful, especially the part about ripples. Prevention of the rippling negativity is important and it’s in my power to stop and say, sorry, but I’m not leaving my patient here and take him to another hospital. Point blank em. I give zero fucks for causing a scene and pissing people off if it’s correct. But hm. Doesn’t matter either way, he confirmed for me that he felt alright so I let it be. 

As we were walking out, the son walked up. My partner asked what was wrong with him and he told us that his father had an aneurysm and he was bleeding into his stomach. He said that the surgeons didn’t think he could survive the surgery so he had been in the hospital to receive a blood transfusion, but that they only expect him to live maybe a week or two longer and that this was likely his final stop. Then he thanked us and we said to call if anything happened and we left. Afterwards my partner and I talked a bit and things were good with her so I just let it sit like that.  

Was something to think about anyway.