#678

Spent the night online with Kyle and Sara and Casey and we plyeed league of legends. And.it’s been the first game in a long time with casey and kyle and casey were tlaking about getting drunk and I said I’d joint hem and I did. So I’m drunker than hell….what Ifou nd was Tia Maria and it was okay. It kinda made me mehhh when I drunk it but like, I don’t even know. I almost never drink, the last time I was drunk was a long time ago and I don’t rmemeber when it was. It was after Launa, that I remember. I was depressed then. Today I was happy and the whole day was happy and I spent most of it giggling and it was great. ^____^ I love casey and I love kyle and they kept saying that I was crying because of how I laugh and I was like, fuck you assholes, lol. Somehow I managed to do well in game too, like, Id on’t even know but we did great ALL night. People were talking and I wasn’t even able to concentrate on it but that was okay because I still amnaged to play really well and carry like a boss. Like, the last game I was xerath and I didnt’ even know what was going on becaus eI just couldn’t concentrate and somehow I still managed to blow up noobs left and right and it was like fuck yeah dude. 

Jesus though, this isnt’ me relaly, not really. I almost never drink and that’s probably a good thing but the way I’m thinking it was a good thing. When I was younger I hated it because of how my step dads would drink and beat up on me and the kids but like, this is okay, you know? I almost never drink and as long as I almost never drink it’s okay. And this was not at a bar ora nything, it was just using leftover liquor that has been ehre for everywhere and it was with my friends playing games and having fun and we all had fun so that’s what matters, right? Yeah. And I’m writing this here so Ic an look at it later and be like, hey, taht’s what I’m like when I’m drunk and I’m not going back to change how I type because I know I’mt yping shitty and I see the red underlines but I don’t want to fix it because it’d be disingenuous and I want ana ccurate picture of me being drunker than hell like now. I remember last time…no, not last time, but the time beforel ast time. Last time was because iwas emo and with launa, the time before that was like, 4 yeras previous? Something like that at university a nd I was out at a party and I was like,f uck it because I had ar ide hmoe and I got completely smashed on jagermeister and I was singing all the way home in the back of a pickup truck like a fucking tool. I remember being lightly made fun of the next day at schoolw hen my classmates were remembering and I was embarrassed but it was cool because it was a good teasing not a bad teasing and yeah. I was singing opera if I remember, everything I remembered and I was singing it loud. I miss that girl that drove me home,s he was a cool cat and she was good to me,s he drove a yellow pickup and she had a dog. I liked her dog a lot and it was part of why I liked her because I like dogs and it was really nice. Anyway, the point is I talked music with a lot of people, had a long conversation witha g irl I found really attractive that never turned into anything and I sang opera int he back of a pickup and it was pretty nice then. And I slept so well. Tonite I will sleep really well too, Ic an tell, I’m really fucking out of it and I’m more drunk than I’ve ever been b efore. I’d say I’m reptty smashed. And tomorrow I will probably readi this and say that it’s fucked and private it or delte it, probably delete it because meh, I hate looking foolish but meh. Fuck it all, the point is it’s there for me to see so Ic an say, hey, maybe drinking isn’t so bad and that it’s like everything else; how people use it. Because that relaly is the case, you know? It’s how people use it. LSD doesn’t have to be bad. Weed doesn’t have to be bad. BDSM doesn’t have to be bad. IT can be really p ositive too and it can help a person and that’s what’s important. It can be okay in moderatation like all things. All things in moderation, rarely and in good, safe company. That’s #1. Safe company of people who care about you. And I know my friends care about me and that’s what matters. 

Actually, kicking ass matters too. And wek icked a lot of it. I’ve fuckieng missed casey. He’s a good fucking dude and it was fun as hell tonite. *rock finger thing with the two things and the two down like a goat*

 Wheee! 

And you really should know, most of you I really like, you know? I like, piss off a lot of peopel and mostly it’s intentional to people i don’t like so if I’m nice to you you should know I really like you too, like, we’re buds, you know? It’s a good thing and it’s a wonderful thing and I reall ylike you I appreciate that you’re there. I do. I feel that way even when I’m not drunk but I don’t say it because it’ be awekward. Everything I say is awkward because I’m terrible at being social and I’m just all sticky. You know? And then people hat eme nad they should hate me because I’m all fucked up and like…I don’t know how to be emotionally okay nad I don’t know what I can say and what I can’t and what I should and shouldn’t and then people get upset with me and I don’t mean that but when it happens I don’t know what to do except get defenseive because I need to protect myself and like…..I don’t know what to do and it’s bad. When I don’t know what to do I just react and the whoe things shitty so like…I don’t know, just know that I really appecaite you because that’s real and I jsut want you to like me and I just want to like you and it’ll all begood na we’ll love each other asp eople oughtt to do. and everything will beo kay. That’s what matters, that everything is okay. I Love you. 

 Also, casey linked me this today, I hope you love it too…